Friday, November 27, 2009

This isn't for you, it's for David & Jennifer Yang.

2009 Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for many things. I'm thankful for everything that has ever happened to me, good or bad because it has made me into the person I am today. I'm thankful for the failures and dissapointments I have experienced. For the pain I've endured. For the memories I have a made. The friendships I have formed. The teachers I have built strong bonds and trust with. I'm thankful for my life and health. I am thankful for all these things because without those experiences, I wouldn't have found the reason to work hard, and be positive in life.

This Thanksgiving, I would like to give credit to my wonderful, loving family. Specifically, my parents. I don't think I say these kinds of things enough. I think about them everyday, but for some reason, I guess I never really have the guts or the "heart" to tell them that I love them. Maybe it's because I'm asian, and I'm not used to getting sentimental and touchy with my family, because we all understand each other's emotions deep inside. But this year, in return for everything they've done, I felt like I should be mature and take the time to express my gratitude for their existence and support.

Mom and Dad, you've always been there for me. I don't ever remember a time where I felt alone, with no one to turn to. If things didn't work out with my friends and peers, I knew you'd be there to make me feel better. You took the time to deal with my complaining, fits, and immature behavior. Growing up, you always wanted the best for me. Regardless of how tired, busy, and stressed you were, you made the time to educate and discipline me with high expectations. You gave your best to raise both me and James.

There aren't a lot of parents like you in this world. I haven't met a lot of adults, who have the confidence to sacrifice and endure all things in this world, so they could provide the best education and future for their children. All my life, I have never seen you like the others. In my eyes, you were always ready to support, help, and listen if it was for your family. You always taught us to put God and family first, because that's what really mattered in this world.

You never regretted the money you put into my expensive violin you bought for me. You were the ones that pushed me to practice harder and continue on with my violin lessons and music competitions. Because of you, I was able to experience a lot of things many kids my age weren't able to. You name it; piano lessons, violin lessons, alto saxophone, bellevue youth symphony, church orchestra, cram school, private school, golf, softball, tennis, track, and even swimming (haha, shout-out to joanna even though you won't read this: I only swam in kindergarten/1st grade. I'm not as good as you at swimming :] !) And that wasn't even the complete list of what I did before high school. If I were to reflect my whole life up until now, the list of everything you guys encouraged me to join would be even longer. I remember so many things I did when looking back to my childhood, and I'm forever thankful for your pushing and unconditional support.

And then for James, he has done so much more than me starting from when he was only a kid. Piano lesson, violin lessons, saxaphone lessons, clarinet lessons, drum lessons, swimming lessons, tae-kwon-do lessons, cram school, and private school. At his younge age, what didn't he do? Sure, he had his complaints and ranting, but all in all, he always remained thankful for all your provisions. I know when he grows up into a young man, he's going to work even harder than me, to make you guys proud and pay off all your hard work.

Everyday, you sacrificed your hours to give rides for James and me, after coming home from work. You didn't waste a single minute to prepare food for us in the morning and after school, because you knew we'd be hungry. I admit, we were spoiled children. We weren't spoiled with money, but with love. I understand we aren't the richest or the poorest if we were to look at social rank. In society, we're middle class like most people. And at times, having to pay for all those activities and lessons excluding the monthly bills weren't easy, but never did you guys complain. Because you never complained, at one point, I took advantage of everything you provided. I didn't know how hard you guys had to work to support your children. And what hit me the most was knowing that the stress and trouble you guys went through didn't matter to you at all, because you would do anything for your children. Whenever I look back at that time, I I can't help but regret how selfish and self-centered I was. I'm sorry.

Unlike many (asian) parents, you guys didn't force James and me to be straight A students. Sure, we had lectures, pep-talks, and reminders about our future but you never punished us if we didn't bring home a perfect report card. Why? Because both of you trusted us. And I'm so thankful for that. I know so many of my friends with parents that caused them stress because they didn't feel good enough when they showed their report cards to their parents. But unlike their parents, you guys always wanted us to do our best, and never give up on whatever we started. And because of that mind-set, my goals in life weren't to get straight A's or place top in everything. Instead, my goals in life were to work hard and never stop until I felt satisfied. And because of those principals I lived by, I would bring home good grades, and all my efforts would be paid off. Those very principals were what gave me perserverance, and strength to carry on. Mom and Dad, thank you for teaching me and James such a valuable lesson.

I can't even picture how hard it was for you guys to leave your family in Korea, and start a new life. Both of you were successful in korea. You graduated from college, pursued in your careers, and got married. But you planned ahead for your childrens' futures, so you left everything behind to immigrate to America. I personally wouldn't have had the confidence, and strength to survive in such a foreign place with no one to turn to. But you guys did. You guys had faith in God, in each other, and in your families. It was the unbreakable trust, and faith you had in one another, that kept you going.

Mom and Dad, thank you so much for everything you've done. Words cannot even describe how much I love you. I know James feels the same way too. I just want to say, I understand how hard it was for you guys to manage everything within your busy lives. You guys were always positive. Infront of your children, you always wanted to set a good example. You didn't complain, and you always made the effort to ask how our day was, what we had for lunch, and how we did on the math test we took at school. I don't know how guys were able to be so consistent in being positive, giving your best, and putting yourselves together. Not a lot of people in this world are able to do that.

In return of all your sacrifices, compromising, and hard work, I promise I'll work hard and grit my teeth with no complaints when times are hard, because I know nothing is impossible, compared to what you guys had done for me and James. Thank you SO MUCH mom and dad, really. I love you so much.

I know this whole blog sounds like I was bragging, but I didn't mean to sound stuck-up. This blog was dedicated for my parents, because I felt like they deserved recognition.

And so I've learned, the greatest heroes in this world are your parents.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


my head has been hurting for a couple weeks. And I've been sick on and off for about 2 weeks. My condition changes from good to bad, and I struggle to not let my sickness effect my focus on schoolwork.

Currently, everything is going good. Projects are all planned. On top of things. My group members in all classes are responsible, hard working, willing to listen/accept other people's opinions, and we all know what we're supposed to do.

I don't think I've ever felt so relieved and productive with a group before. I'm so glad we were able to choose our groups this time in Drake's class. Everyone is respectful, hard working, thoughtful, and active in group discussions. We actually get somewhere in our work. This is probably one of the first times I've actually felt like I didn't have to do all the work by myself in a big project. I know that teachers put certain people in groups because they want to balance everything out, but throughout my stay in high school, I don't remember a time where all my group members took my words seriously, following the schedule I designed for them. I always ended up doing all the work by myself because people were lazy to do their part, or because they turned in lacking, unfinished work that I couldn't allow to slide by.

But even though we didn't get to choose groups in Fisher's class, our group is over halfway done with the project as of today. Done with the website, halfway done with the scratch, and we're going to start the commercial today. I'm glad in Fisher's class, I have people who are willing to do their work, and listen to what I have to say. I'm glad my team members actually read my emails I send out, and do the homework I assign for them. Because everyone cooperates, I don't have to make extra time to get my members to listen to me, or waste time giving them a major lecture about their contribution.

Anyways, enough of the subject of projects. Well, lately, I've been having to stay up later than usual on school nights to be on top of things, but it definitely pays off because I'm ahead of everyone else in my schoolwork, and I have less homework the next day.

I'm so tired, and unfortunately, I won't be having "late arrival" tomorrow, since I have to get to school by 8:45 ish AM to rehearse in the PAC with my piano teacher for an upcoming competition. Yeah.... not being able to sleep in especially on a late arrival day is bad timing, but what can you do? Anyways, the grand piano in the PAC has a certain sound to it, that is excellent training for all pianists to practice on.

my toes and fingers are freeezing right now! why is it so cold?

I still have some other things to do. Well, nights everyone. Have fun sleeping in.

Quarter ends in 2 days, the 19th.

Monday, November 9, 2009

3 years.

When I look back to the years in middle school, it amazes me that I have already reached my second year of high school. Being called a "sophomore" just doesn't sound like me. I feel like I'm still in my old body as a 7th grader.

I remember being in 6th grade, looking at middle school students that came to visit their elementary school teachers. I remember thinking how mature and "cool" they looked. Then came middle school. as 7th grade passed and 8th grade came, everything went by so fast.

As I entered high school as a freshman, one part of me felt so old yet another part of me felt so young because I was a "freshman" - the youngest part of the group in high school. Now, here I am a sophomore. This is my last year as an underclassman. My last year to have the freedom I want to be immature, freedom from having to think about scholarships, psat's, sat's, and the final direction I'll be taking to pursue my career.

I feel nothing, just nothing at all. I don't feel any older, and I wish time could have a huge effect on me, so I could be more motivated each year.

Although it is only the beginning of the school year, I'm deeply grieved to know that everyone will be parting to follow their individual path. Whether it be running start, IB, tech. academy, or regular.... I wish the best of luck to all of you guys.

Because this year is the last year for everyone to be together as tech. family and for everyone to be an underclassman, I've decided to make this year the best. With all this time I've got, I should at least make memories, new friends, work hard, be productive, and use my potential to the fullest capacity. As a sophomore now, I have visions. I have goals. and I have dreams of the future. I've already thought and stressed enough of what I want to do and how to manage my priorities for next year and the year after that.

This year is something I want to make memorable. I want to really appreciate my teachers, be friendly to everyone, and do my best in everything I can so I return to KM as a junior next year with no regrets.

I just wanted to say, I'm going to miss you guys all. Really. Each and everyone of you. The tech. academy will forever be one of the main things I will remember from high school. It has taught me so much from learning how to standby a computer [YES, I wasn't much of a tech. geek back in 7th grade] to collaborating with my classmates with no limitations to educational resources because of my personal laptop. Thank you so much, everyone.

I admit I'm very sad about everyone parting, but I believe this is where our life will finally start to open up. When we make decisions for our future, we can't let anyone or anything stand in our way, and that includes your friends. Because of this mind-set I was taught to live by, I know I will not be afraid to approach foreign things by myself, because I know that if I really want to succeed, I have to accomplish things independently. Even though I can picture myself struggling and stressing at times, I believe in myself. And... I think having confidence and self-esteem are major components in being happy and succeeding. The reason I'm confident that I will be able to ge through things is because of my motivation. I don't remember a time where I gave up on something that I really wanted to do with all my heart, because I knew if I tried my best, I would reach the finish line. And regardless of the struggles and tough times I encountered, that one line I constantly reminded myself is what got me to reach my goals. From looking back to my life, I know that I've had a few valuable lessons to learn from. And those lessons are also what give me confidence and strong belief in the decisions and directions I take.

I know I am not perfect, but as long as I try my best with a righteous mind-set, I know my hard work will pay off. I'm ready, and willing to face all things with a positive approach.

I've realized it doesn't matter if you don't want to do something. It doesn't matter if you suck, fail, or fall behind. No one is going to care, or get out of their way to help you. This doesn't only apply to high school, but to life in general. When you fall behind, you pick yourself up and continue alone. Having friends, turning to a hand, crying on a shoulder, and receiving encouragement is a privilege. The rest is up to you. Your results of approaching something totally by yourself is the performance of how you will do in life when you're all by yourself.

It is now that I realize that one year leads after to another. Although that is such an obvious thing to consider, I never really took the time to understand or accept those words. Now that I'm older and finally managing my time more, I've began to see how fast time goes, and how much you can do in so little time.

So guys, let's make the best of the 3 years that are remaining in high school. Next year, I know a lot things are going to change, but I'll always remember and think of everyone.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

You have it so much better than others.

A few days ago, I was talking to one of my friends [he will be nameless], and over the summer, we would talk a lot about school and our new goals for the school year. After checking up on how he was doing so far into the school year, I was once again dissapointed in him. Now, I'm not dissapointed in people that try their best and still don't get the results they work for. But with my friend, it was a different case. He didn't ever do good in school, didn't care to focus on his priorities, and felt hopeless, because of the fact he was lazy. These days, kids just don't get it. There are kids that just don't care about school, because they feel as if they'll still get somewhere even if they don't graduate high school. They think they'll be able to straighten their act whenever they feel like it.


We're so selfish. The students [especially kids in America] don't know how lucky they are to go to school. They are not thankful for being able to go to school for free, and have the privilege of attending clubs, and joining sports that their schools provided for the students.

You see.... every single day, students are provided with opportunities. With all this time we have in high school, all we ever do is complain about what we can't do, what we have to do, and what we don't have. Just stop complaining. Stop being so lazy.

You really don't know how good you have it. I wish kids could get it through their head that anyone can get good grades, and achieve things they wanted to do. Sometimes, success seems like an impossible thing for some, but those individuals are the ones that have never really tried their best in anything.

It's easy to realize your flaws, what you need to fix and improve on, and your dissapointments. But it's hard to actually put in your effort, and be consistent in what you do. I wish students in America could stop being so selfish. If you think about it, all we ever do is whine, complain, rant, and resent our teachers for giving so much work and stress onto our shoulders.

But did you ever think about yourself at a national scale? Have you ever thought about the kids in third world countries, who do whatever they can on the streets to earn money, just so they can afford enough money for school? And have you ever thought about those students in Asia who get 2 hours of sleep, going to school on saturdays, staying at school until 10 PM to study, and yet... they STILL cannot get into the college they want? Have you ever thought about anyone else but yourself?

We all need to realize, there are millions of kids who want what we have. There are so many people that work harder than us, that would do ANYTHING to be in our place. To go to school, get help from teachers, make new friends, carry simple binders and pencils around, and use lockers to store all our supplies. We complain about all the work we have to do in one night, when really.... if we did our best to productively use our time, we could've been on top of things much more.

It's sad to see potential going to waste, as kids just skip school, cheat on school work, and have this "I don't care, I'm just going to play in life" kind of attitude. Although I sound extremely blunt in this blog, I'm going to be straight forward with those kind of people right here:

You aren't going to succeed, in fact... you are never going to make it anywhere if you just lay around and sit there. Out of all the times in your life, this will be one the only time when people say no to you and constantly remind you of your failures, and never will you be able to say YES back to anything. This is the one time where you will have to face your mistakes, and do something about it. You're dealing with your own future. This is your life. Wake up, and face reality. You can't escape this time. And once you start to escape, all the things you ignored will continue to add up for you to finish in the end.

My point is, whether you are an average student, a slacker, or a hardworking kid, we should always be thankful for what we have.

All people ever do is talk about how thankful we should be and how good we have it, when really... we don't give a care about the world. When really, we're just expected to be appreciative and never really know what others are going through.

Seriously, if the kid in Asia who worked 10 times harder than you came to America, THEY would have their college application accepted, and not you. THEY would be the one to finish their homework, find time to do things, and not complain.

If you think you need motivation, an extra push, more opportunities, and support, think again.

Other kids are alone, and they are independent with what they do. They support themselves, and sacrifice everything for their future. They don't get any sleep, they risk their health, study all day for entry exams, and yet..... all their hardwork is still not enough to get into a mediocre college in their country. Students in Asia are so competitive with their academics, if they aren't the top 1 in their class, they are bound to not get anywhere.

If you think YOU are living in a competitive environment, you have not looked at the big picture.

We have no right to slack or complain. Opportunities await for you everyday. You just need to search for them yourself. And people need to quit being so lenient on themselves. There are people who are already thinking of not graduating high school, but still thinking of going to special schools where they train people for jobs. Those individuals have already gave up on themselves. They've already planned to go for less.

That my friend..... is so unfair. Just because doing good is hard. Just because it seems too late to try in school or even get a decent grade.

Well, good things in life aren't easy to achieve. You earn your way through, and if you continue to just ignore what your teachers and peers tell you to do, you won't get anywhere.

we are never grateful enough for what we have. we always want more or less of something.

we just don't realize how lucky we are, and in order to show our appreciation, we should at least do our best not just for ourselves, but for all those students out there that yearn to go school, to know what it feels like to have homework, and to have a bright future.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A lot of things - A good guide for those who are lost.

I understand.

I understand when you're trapped, confused, and feeling weak.

I understand what it feels like to feel so small, and useless compared to others.

I understand the pressure. The stress. The tears, the anger, and the burning determination.

I am a student. I have understood what it means to be in high school.

For those who are lost, not knowing what to do in life.... thinking about why you aren't capable to do certain things and complaining about your problems isn't going to help you at all. What's really going to help you out is figuring what you need to change, and how you're going to get there. Everyday, the same people are always talking and excitedly planning about what they want to do for their future, when in the end they suffer and become non-committed.

You see, it's about planning. It's about being mature in keeping a promise to yourself, without allowing your temptations to get a hold of you. Don't be lenient on yourself, yet don't greedily overload yourself.

As I look around in a room full of classmates, I am aware that every now and then, people see me as some sort of "music prodigy" or some kind of role-model that is talented. But to tell you the truth, I'm not as talented or musically inclined, really. I'm not being humble or modest about what I just said. A lot of peers say that I'm bad at taking compliments, and that I'm humble.... but the truth is, I'm not. You need to realize, I'm not someone that is significantly talented in a circle of semi-pro musicians. Neither am I "talented" when I think about myself at a national scale. Sure, depending on the environment and the people that are there, I could stand out a little, but if you were to look at the big picture.... I'm just another student that's doing what's expected of them - working hard.

But you know what?

I accept that. I accept who I am, but that doesn't mean I stop there. I can still do something about it. I can still improve, do better, and get where I want to be if I work hard. And just because I accept my flaws, failures, and dissapointments doesn't mean I lack confidence. Acceptance is something that is so hard for certain people to understand, but it's all apart of maturity.

You see, I am who I am today, because of the effort I put into the things I wanted to work hard in. And maybe, I'm just not doing my best, or trying hard enough, because deep inside I know I can do better. Yeah.... Im' not always proud of what I do and my results, but that pushes me to do more.

I understand that every now and then, when there's a super star in the school that is able to do anything and everything with excellence, it can bring jealousy and even motivation. But sometimes, whatever drives you to do more and better... can come out in the worst ways.

Whether it be anxiety, fear, jealousy, or burning motivation, we always need to be patient and think over what our priorities are. Figuring out our personal strengths and qualities of ourself is the always the first thing we need to think about, before we join a club or get involved in an activity.

So many people in my classes, in Kent Meridian High school, and in this nation do not know what it means to really succeed, nor do they realize what colleges really seek. I'm not saying that I know everything about colleges and I have nothing to worry about, because in actuality, I'm no better than anyone. I have plenty of weaknesses and things I have to improve on. I have plenty of incapabilities, and things I do not know.

But people need to realize that they can't always base their actions from their feelings... even motivation. Because everything needs planning, and thinking.

If you're going to a big name college... THINK. think why you want to go to that college. What's so good about that college anyways? What's are the specific needs you want from that college? What's the personality of that college? Do you work better in smaller or bigger learning communities, and does the college you want to apply for satisfy you with the amount of students and teacher-student relationship? Are you sure you'll get the best out of your future there? Are you sure they provide the best education even when Ivy league colleges these days are all about the names?

You see..... too many people are scared. their fear and anxiety is what drives them to instantly jump to conclusions about Ivy league colleges.

To all those out there that are caught up in so much stress and "crap," I tell you, please get rid of your pride. that's very FIRST thing you do. Although stripping away your pride is something that helps someone have confidence, pride is something that blinds people's decisions in so many ways. At this point, it's time you have to be honest with yourself and think about your qualifications. It's at this very point life... where you realize who you are, and regardless of how you feel, you have to accept it. And once you accept who you are regardless of how painful it is, you move on from there and make a new promise. A promise that CAN be made - a harder working, prioritized, and more responsible you.

I wish students could get it through their heads that college admissioners already know the darn old trick that every student uses: the CAFETERIA METHOD for clubs. It's when students overload themselves with clubs, with no strong committment within each club. to be HONEST, clubs do not take a lot of time at all. They're once a week, and at the most an hour. Sure, clubs involve activities, community service, and other involvements that take up a few hours every now and then.... but really? It doesn't make a significant difference on who you are.

I'm going to be straight forward with the truth here.

Don't join a club, if the club isn't your passion. Don't even join a club just because you're going to take a leadership position in there. Because... it's really not going to make a difference on your transcript. It's the thing that your MOST passionate about that will lead you to do great things and bring change to the club, and reach out to the school and community. Colleges don't expect much from clubs, unless the individual made a significant difference within the community from the club. Otherwise, you're just another one of those average students in the nation going to a club once a week, and afterwards, going home. Big deal.

seriously, PLEASE. LISTEN. If you want to succeed, stop comparing yourself to others so negatively. You will NEVER succeed in life, if you continue on with that nasty habit. Always accept yourself for who you are, and take on the mistakes and things you wished you could change about yourself in a positive way.

And here's another big thing. I'll be straight foward. It's true - to get into a big name college, you need to be exceptionally skilled in at least one talent, and show the results through recognitions, awards, and competitions. Whether it be sports, music, debate, or etc..... you need to compete with others to see how far you can go, and how much harder you need to work. College admissioners prefer an individual that is committed to just one or two things they're exceptionally good at, instead of doing several things at a mediocre level. I'm aware that many people in high school "don't know" their personal talent they can be proud of. Honestly, although it sounds extremely corny, I'll say it anways. Everyone has a talent. Everyone has something they can be proud of. Sometimes, people are lucky and have parents that had their kids pick up on a sport or instrument at the age of 3, so they could have more experience. Some kids never heard of extracurricular activities until they stepped into their advisory class in freshman year. Of course at that stage, those kids are going to be dissapointed, feeling hopeless.

People need to realize: YOU DON'T SUCCEED by just going to an IVY league college. college is not where your life ends at all. you still got plenty of years to enjoy your life, and make the best out of it. All colleges have a specialized major or field they excell in, and it's best to get into those majors instead of just a mediocre major the college provides. Regardless of your qualifications, you have to accept yourself and realize where you can go and what you can do. Because what really matters is not about the college you can get into, but your effort and what you can contribute to the community.

No matter what.... don't ever be dissapointed about yourself. Don't you EVER.

Because all your hard work will pay off, and I promise you, your results WILL reflect the amount of effort you put into everything IF..... you base your plans and actions with RIGHTEOUS attentions and careful planning. To succeed, pride and arrogance is something that is never involved. Take away all that pride and the compliments you received your whole life. Think about yourself for once, and be honest..... who are you? What do you think of yourself? Why? and then..... how are we going to change that?

The best thing to do is never compare yourself in a negative way to others. Only focus on yourself, ALWAYS. But before you focus.... make sure that your dreams and goals are all very detailed having a reason WHY you want to do the things you do. Because when it comes to colleges, so many students just don't know the real answer to why they want to go to Harvard, or Yale. Why not a smaller college that still provides the same education as Harvard? Honestly.... do you do it for the reputation and the name? Be HONEST with yourself.

Also, never ever be cocky. A high school star is nothing compared to the nation. Even if you're the best of the best at school and in the community, you still have thousands of other students competing with you, and some of them are more harder working than you are.

so I hope this helped. i was talking to a friend about this, and that individual was the only this year that seemed to connect the same way as I did about these kinds of subjects.

Please..... before it's really too late, realize what's really going to get you somewhere. don't be selfish, greedy, blind, unrealistic, and depressed about everything.

just calm down and think about it.


so just got home a few minutes ago from the splash concert, and a late-night teriyaki meal x)


today was a good day. I'm so glad I didn't have to accompany the sound connection choir on the piano! Mr. Thompson unexpectedly gave me the music yesterday, and wanted me to play the piece by today, at the concert. Fortunately, he said "don't worry about it, I'll just play it." phew!

anyways, splash concert = pretty good. i knew this year's orchestra had some hard working freshmen, that were willing to improve. seriously. our orchestra improved a lot for a start, compared to last year. last year's orchestra improved a lot too throughout the year, but the orchestra's start this year is a little stronger. i'm excited. hopefully we keep this going, and i can still manage to keep these kids in line, guide, and help them out. The audience loved it, and totally got the whole practical jokes behind the performance. choir improved a lot too, seriously! it helps to have a big choir, by forming all the different types of choirs together. piano accompaniment by this one dude was very passionate, and relaxing as well. woot. oh and at the end of the concert, I met charlie outside because he got out of the concert from recording for royals weekly review. I had to get an interview as the concert mistress of the orchestra. MAN... I look like crap, and sound so stupid and careless on that recording. I know it's gonna be on the video because the girl said so, and we couldn't re-record. i had so many distractions. oh well... just laugh with me when you see it please.

well, i barely have hw tonight, just spanish. it's because i finished up all the english homework last night, finished last night and today's math hw yesterday, already started on the media production for fisher's project, and etc. i'm ahead on stuff. no need to stress about school work.

happy happy =)

it pays off to be productive.

well, late arrival tomorrow for everyone. but not for me. gotta get to school by 8:30 AM to meet up with my piano teacher, to rehearse the competition piece at the PAC. nervous but just a little....tiny bit pumped. my teacher just told me she was sick, but that she would still try to come tomorrow to school. man, hope she is able to come so we can rehearse. otherwise, i'm just gonna rehearse by myself at the PAC, because mr. roller and mrs. cate gave me permission.

ahaha...... i'm writing too much. i'm gonna stop right here. and i realized, that people do read my blogs. i wrote my blog posts for me to clear my thoughts or vent, and apparently a few people do get a few ideas out of them. well, i haven't checked the comments on blogs for so long, forgot they even existed.
thanks for those commenters, and i'm sorry i'm a little late on that.

see you all tomorrow. get some rest guys, and sleep in. technically, i get to sleep in 2 more hours, since i usually wake up at 5:30 AM for zero hour, but tomorrow i'm waking up at 7:30 AM for competition rehearsal.


Monday, October 12, 2009


you just go to move on.

there comes a point in life where you realize the way you approach and deal with things are immature, selfish, and self-centered.

there comes a point in life where you realize you can't base your actions because of your emotions, and the temptations that follow along with those feelings. Everyone has to have patience, endurance, and self-control.

and there comes a point in life where you realize you weren't as great as you thought you were. There were certain things you wish you could've done better, or at least improve on. we should never feed our minds with how great we are, even if we are proud. Because the truth is, you aren't the best in the world. you aren't the smartest. you aren't the fastest. you aren't the greatest. there's people that work harder than you and that have experienced life a lot more than you have to build them up with perseverance to endure anything.

we're all immature. whether it be a high school teenager, or even a 40 year old adult, we're not perfect. and the way we deal with situations, especially the ones that effect us negatively, are approached in really immature, and careless ways.

and the hard thing is, getting past that behavior to change in better ways, and be more positive. The hardest thing is keeping your word about it all, and being consisent. The easy thing is probably realizing what you need to change.

Human nature.... it's all too interesting yet complicated in ways you could never categorize no matter how deep you search.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

i'm in that mood for late night blogging.

i've been blogging a lot.... lately.

deep breathes.

i had a lot of those today.

today was a long day.

sometimes, i just want to lay on my bed, and wish time would turn back to the days where i was a kid.

how did I get here so fast? how could time be so cruel, without even a simple warning?

can't help but waste the seconds of my passing life, thinking about my past, and reminiscing.

can you tell me? what if my life ends, in what seems like a couple seconds?

time only seems to pass by faster, when we're finally able to understand and appreciate what we have.

why now?

i can't help but complain. I don't want to, but sometimes.... when things seem dark, you can't help but have this yearning to turn around and just give up, because it makes you feel safer.

but now, it's not an option to back out, or even stop. life's a race. we keep on going, and continue.

all I have is my music to help get rid of all the waste inside of my mind. the waste - all the troubles, stress, and worries.

I'm trapped, in doubt, and in great need of nothing but deep sleep.

i don't wish to continue on to the next day, as i drag on this kind of negative attitude. i do not wish to spread something so unpleasant to others, as they think themselves, "what's her problem?"

I wish life was easy.

i do not like to complain and show my weaknesses in such a negative way. but today,

I just didn't care.

I wanted to do what i wanted to do. but, for some reason....

it's not making me feel any better.

I just wasted a bunch of time I could have used productively. I didn't follow my schedule. i was immature.

and now, i'm one step behind.

i'm sick of preparing for tomorrow, when you're living today.

I want to just stop.

because.... right now, i just don't feel like it.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Woot (fyi - rushed writing on here = bad grammar, and mistakes.)

sophomore year is great.

i'm not stressed with the project... well not yet. i'm keeping to my word about being positive, and looking on the brighter side of things. As long as I stay on top of the deadlines, I won't have to procastinate or rush days before the project is due. To those who always stress out and can't manage to find time... I'm sorry but those are just excuses.

I've been there, done that, and just possibly everything. I've experienced it all.

I'm not a person with free time. Every single day throughout the day, I have a lot to do, excluding homework. I know some people work slower than others, and I can definitely say that I'm a really, really slow worker.

But, after learning from my mistakes, and continuing to train my mind to focus and work faster, I've realized that it has helped me to save a tremendous amount of time. I've learned to be productive, because in high school.... every single second counts. You could do so much in just a couple minutes. It's true. It's just about the focus and attitude.

This year, I could have ended up like every other year - being stressed in really negative ways, barely having any sleep, and constant cramming.

BUT.... I used my summer wisely to prepare and plan out my future years. Although my peers relaxed during the summer and did fun things, I shut myself out from temptations and focused on what I should work on about myself... so the school year could be easier for me.

If I never took the time to realize what I should fix about my attitude, my work ethic, my habits, and commitment.... I would have gone downhill.

I'm sorry to say, but there is always someone that is doing more than you are. There's no use in saying you have no time at all, when you seriously take the time to think about how you spend every hour after school. What do you after school when you get home? Do you turn on the TV instantly? Do you go on the internet - myspace, facebook? Couldn't you get rid of the distractions? Couldn't you just stop being so lenient on yourself?

This is something I've learned. I have an extremely good example. Logan Ellis. One of my closest KM graduate friends. We've both learned so much from one another, and I've benefited so much from being able to spend time with him during rehearsals, practices, and in orchestra. You could not imagine all the things he has to do in life. I'll list some of his involvements - school plays, college plays [@ green river], Tacoma Youth Symphony, All-Northwest Orchestra, Rosamunde String Quartet, AA degree in college, jazz band [since 8th grade], viola lessons, violin lessons, vibe lessons, solo & ensemble competitions, tennis [not in senior year], and etc! These are just a few of his involvements, and you can definitely say he has a lot to put on his transcript. All of these involvements require a ton of time, and practice. Music is only determined through practice, practice, practice. It's just about the fight for time. Logan has time to do all these things because guess what? He doesn't have a facebook. Does he have a myspace? No. Does he use chatting services every day to talk to his friends online? No. He'd rather use his precious time in wiser way.

You see... Logan Ellis still manages to function properly every single morning and be positive about everything he does because his involvements are his passion. Because he does not waste time, and takes full responsibility.... he is able to put everything together. I wouldn't mind if someone as responsible as Logan were to complain about how busy, or tired he was. But no.... I have never gotten that from him during the whole year I was with him. Why? It's because he is a leader, that sets an example for everyone. So he has to be stronger, and on top of things than anyone else.

The way to do this is by taking the first step: realizing what you need to fix, and keeping your word to that promise. And this summer... I realized that's the first thing about being mature. That's something so essential you need to apply out in the real world.

Like Logan's involvements, mine are very similar such as piano/violin competitions, jazz band, chamber orchestra, Bellevue Youth Symphony, piano lessons, violin lessons, Rosamunde String Quartet, a new orchestra quartet, golf, and several other clubs. But, I'm far from being as accomplished and as organized as Logan.

People need to see that just because you're really involved does not mean you are qualified for being a well-rounded student. You have to do what you can commit to, what you are willing to dedicate time for, what you can do your best in, and most importantly, what you love. I feel like a complainer comparing myself to Logan's schedule, but I am aware that I do not have free time in my life. But regardless of what I have to do, I still manage to put myself together, and have more sleep than last year. I still manage to have a brighter, and positive attitude this year.

I started off strong, and just liked I promised, I'll be mature about keeping to my word.

There are many good examples of responsible people. The word responsible is exemplified in so many ways, but it gets to people's head that being responsible is getting good grades. That's not very much so.

It's about how you plan to get good grades, how you work, how you use your time, and your attitude. If you procastinate to get good grades and use excuses on how busy you were..... you aren't responsible. Although everyone procastinates, there comes a time where you realize you need to stop and move on from that stage. Procastination is deadly, and will only change your attitude in the ugliest ways. Don't turn to procastination.

Logan Ellis, Kailee Wright, Joseph Lee, and etc. are all really, really good examples of responsible people. Responsible people are the ones that succeed in life. And those people are the rare individuals that are able to make a difference in the world, because only a small group of individuals can bring change. these individuals don't just "call it good" and let cockiness get to their heads. They realize that they can do more, and they're willing to do their best, so they go far. They don't take a look at how far they are compared to their peers, and just stop where they are. They do the things they do to better themselves as individuals.

Although I'm far from being a kind of person with strong characteristics as those 3 people, I'm working towards it. I won't stop, and I won't "call it good" because of what people say. I do things because I want to, because I want to do more. And I will really avoid procastination. This applies to everyone. If you're struggling with what you have to manage in high school, think about what exactly you do and what gives you the right to complain when someone has it worse than you. That's where you start.

Once again... I CANNOT emphasize this more than enough: WASTING TIME = PROCASTINATION. WATCHING TV when you could be doing HW = PROCASTINATION. Hanging out with friends when you're supposed to be working on a project = PROCASTINATION. PROCASTINATION = FAILURE.

we're in high school. figure it out, and get your act together. You aren't always going to be lucky. You can pass by with procastination in school with homework, projects, and etc. but when it comes to sports or music.... your performance definitely reflects how much you practiced. You cannot hide from your mistakes.

don't regret it over and over again, and get depressed about life. take the time to think about how the most accomplished people are able to still have a normal life, and not complain with everything they have to do.

So this is what I wanted to talk about today. another long blog... jeez.

this was just for myself, and what I learned. It helps clear my mind. If you did read this.. hope you got something out of it and i hope it helped in some way?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

So far so good.

school's going good.

staying on top of things.

concentrating, and doing things faster.

saving time, therefore more sleep time.

productivity. love it.

keeping to my word, and being mature about it.

2010 goals, here i come.

i'm ready, bring it on.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

3rd saturday of school

it's HC night. and i'm not lonely.

I've kept myself productive and to me, that's the best feeling in the world. Feeling productive and knowing that the work you're doing is going to pay off.... is what I strive to get every single day. But it doesn't happen very easily.

today is one of those days where I need to keep to my word, and manage my time, so everything I've done in the past and throughout this year will pay off in the end.

if you just manage your time and follow your promise that you made to yourself, then things will seem much easier. even the busiest person the world can manage to be on top of things. an example could be single mothers that work to feed mouths, and take care of their children. they're busy people, and probably have a lot to deal with alone. but they can do it. anyone can. it's about realizing what you need to do, and then being mature about keeping that promise.

Here's to the 3rd week of high school. but man..... it seems like it's october.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

first week of school

it feels like i've been at school for at least 2 weeks. school seemed so long this week.

we already got homework this week. but not biggie, it's very little compared to what we'll have probably.... in the next week or in the month. haha.

anyways, hope everyone started off great.

this week was filled with golf, violin and piano preparations, and my 16th birthday. a little busy, but fun. I wanted a good, happy start. man, i wish mrs. cate never told me to audition for all-state orchestra. i already have other competitions to practice for. oh well. just go with the flow.

back to school monday. and i still gotta do hw. haha.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


been busy. man. but it's better than the last 2 months of summer.

teacher strike is not all about money. talk to the teachers and discuss with them. go read articles, research, and use all the sources provided on the internet, TV, and your community. at first i thought it was for the money, but it's not. Reality is, they want the best for the kids, more time/attention for us, less meetings that will cut teaching time and after/before school preparations, and etc. just so much more.

of course... there's going to be some teachers that secretly are striking because they want better pay. those individuals aren't considered teachers.

to be a true teacher, you not only want the best for your student's education, but you pass on everything you've known in life. You pass on your life stories, morals, opinions, and knowledge. It takes a lot of courage and emotional strength to be a teacher. It takes passion. Not just a brain, or scholarly achievements.

I do not wish for the strike to continue, yet some part of me would say that I would continue striking if I were a teacher, because the main problem that is to be resolved as of this moment, are the class sizes. To how I see it, that is a huge issue. I've seen the difference and effectiveness between teachers instructing in a smaller classes as opposed to larger classes. This is insane. I read in several articles that some high school classes in the KSD have over 45 students. Already 25-30 students is a lot for teachers to handle, when they have so many meetings, and substitutes to take over their classes. They lack attention, time, and lessons for their students. We're just lucky we're apart of the tech. academy, because we have a smaller learning community. But still, even in tech. academy, the number of students in some classes are far too large to be called a "smaller learning" community. the KSD really needs to learn how to balance things out, and the board of directors should make things more organized.

If kids or a large group of parents have thoughts, and propose something and get it approved from a group of teachers.... why shouldn't the district board have some kind interest towards the kind of students that really want the best for the whole district, instead of just their personal education? Whatever. that there was just nonsense. that wouldn't really make a difference to the district anyways, and it's too weak.

Well, that's that. I've had so much on my mind as well for the strike. This is as far as I know, and i'm just elaborating/venting. What I know may be out of date/incorrect due to my lack of checking up on the KSD updates/notifications lately.

I've talked to a few of the KM staff members and for what I know, the earliest we'll ever go back to school is this coming up monday. This will happen if the teachers decide to stop voting, so they will use the remainder days to prepare for classes. Otherwise, if the strike continues... who knows when school will start. Just today in the afternoon I got a call from Mrs. Cate [orchestra teacher] about the Washington All-State Orchestra audition information, and how I had to meet with her sometime in the end of september or the first few days of Octoboer to record my pieces, etudes, and etc. if school wouldn't start by then. I mean honestly when I heard those words from her, I got really worried. She briefly informed me about the strike as well, and so did another one of my KM instructors. What's weird is that sometimes, I feel like the teachers all know something and they are a few things they just can't tell their students, because it's just private matters between the district. :// I don't know, just my thoughts. Now I'm getting the idea that school really isn't going to start for a while. I've heard a lot of news from people that there would be a possibility about school not even starting until october.

This is very concerning. If school doesn't start by september 21st, which is the 3rd monday of this month [next, next monday], I don't think I could allow myself to just sit and waste time wishing for school to start. I will seriously try to do something about this with my own efforts, talk to the teachers, or something. But for now, nothing is clear and I don't want to look like a fool demanding school to start when it would actually start the day after. That'd be a little stupid and foolish of me to do.

Anyways, not going to waste this precious time just sleeping in and being lazy every single day. I'll relax, yet get my mind ready for school. I need mental and emotional strength for a new school year. same to everyone else.

Good luck, and hopefully we'll go back to school soon. Let's all work together and be strong, even if things get tough. Although our breaks will get cut shorter, we should just be thankful for being able to go to school. In fact, for those who love breaks... just be grateful because many countries in Asia have students go to school Saturday, with barely any breaks. They just have breaks after huge, competitive exams, and their summer breaks are very short. There's always something to be thankful for.

I really wish the best for our district, and I hope there is a change in motivation for our teachers as they're relieved with a new contract and fresh start. I hope there is a change in test scores, and results as teachers have more time with a class that isn't too large. Hopefully, all these things will become possible, eventually.

I think a lot of the new houses being constructed have played a huge role in class sizes. I mean, when I was in elementary school, [ I attended sunrise elementary school] and around our school, we used to have a lot of empty space. But when I entered the 6th grade, they started constructing houses all over the place, completely filling every bit of empty land. Now, there are so many families, meaning more kids, that have applied to the kent school district. More kids in elementary schools that go on middle school, and high school. And to think, a lot of them have siblings as well. I think they should've thinked twice over building so many houses. And even if they did, the district had every right to have a limit of kids they should allow to attend school in the district. I mean, my friend went to elementary school in Mercer Island, and their district didn't allow any more students to attend their school because they wanted a limit to their class sizes.

I don't know if the kent school district made a mistake, or whatever. Whatever their reasoning was, it's just caused a lot of problems lately.

Well..... this blog has gotten way too long. I'm starting to get on tangents, and I bet I have a bunch of spelling/grammatical errors here since I have not looked over what I wrote, and I've been typing very fast... due to all the thoughts that are spilling out right now. Please understand, even if all the errors will annoy some of you out there.

I wish the best of luck for everyone. I really hope they figure out an agreement or compromise in some kind of way, yet not take too much time... because it's also cutting out on the student's education.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

2nd post - letting you guys know

So i'm letting you guys know.....

I haven't been able to go on myspace, facebook, or etc. on the computer for a long time. I rarely go on the computer anymore, and if I do... it's not for long at all. I've just been kinda busy this summer.

Sorry :( So if you guys ever contacted me on those sites, just know I'm not ignoring any of you. I haven't been on for a long time, that's why.

if there's something urgent you gotta tell me, just contact me on my cell # even though I don't use my cell phone very much, too LOL. But I can most definitely reply to you through the phone/text eventually, because I'll check it every once in a while.

Thanks, for understanding :)



See you on... August 31st? right? haahah. we don't know yet, because of the teacher strike that started today. Man... honestly.. i don't know if the teacher strike is a good idea. I want to debate about it or something, especially if I'm in an angry mood, so I can vent LOL. jk =]

You're responsible for what happens to you. Only you.

Things happen for a reason. Everything does. Everything that has ever hurt, destroyed, or given you bliss…. all happens because of the decisions you’ve made. Because of the actions you formed based on your thoughts, because of the people you decided to befriend or be surrounded with. Because of the words you ever so lightly twisted. The only person you should ever blame and point fingers at…. is the one in the mirror. Yourself. That’s the very first person you start with, before you turn to others.

A few days ago at Church, I learned something… so amazing. It was like a huge hit in the head, that I really needed. I felt so refreshed and alive. I mean, I never expected to come across this kind of experience. A guest speaker that was also a pastor/missionary came as a speaker, all the way from Columbia. This man was amazing, and the moment you met eyes with him, you could sense the kindness right through him. He was one of the few people I could look in the eyes, and know how wise, warm he was. He has been blessed in countless ways because of his positive and appreciative outlook on life, and because of his faith in God.

I don’t want to go very far into details about every little thing, but I’ll go straight into the message of what I learned.

I’ve realized…. anyone can be thankful for what they have, regardless of their situation, financial and social status. But at the same time, many are blind to what they have infront of them, and become ignorant of all their blessings and gifts because they could have possibly given one a lot of resentment, unpleasant memories, and pain in their heart. BUT I’ve realized… it’s only up to YOU to take in those memories and accept the past. It’s up to YOU to want to remember what happened. You can’t blame anyone or anything for what you went through, or suffered It’s the past, move on.

If you become ignorant and just completely erase the past, the only wisdom and knowledge you have is based on the temporary things you’ve experienced. It’s only from the now, the present. You can’t claim to know or make judgements on anything or anyone if you can’t fully comprehend yourself. If you can’t accept what happened.

When you’re ignorant to whatever you’ve simply decided to slip by or erase, you put a blind fold over your eyes, sometimes without even knowing. You live your life, day by day, adding onto the ignorance and the hate.

You have to realize… things happen for a reason. You should be thankful for everything that has happened, even the most unbearable, unpleasant situations.. because it’s THOSE experiences that bring greater joy and wisdom over time.

Do not blind yourself at your own fault. Once you accept Jesus Christ into your life and realize the things you were blind to, you’re no longer the same you. Your eyes open up to a new world, and you want to do better. You want to change, you want to pass on to others the things you’ve learned, and everything that has hit your heart. You want to be the best you can, for the Lord.
There is always a time for everyone to experience their turning point. Who knows, it make take 10 years, 20 years, or you could unexpectedly encounter a miracle the next day. Who really knows. But God has a plan, he knows the time you will understand. You see, as Christians, we need to serve our everything to the Lord. we can’t erase what WE want, and take what we desire. We’re nothing compared to the Lord. We’re disciples in Christ.

If you protect your own wisdom and knowledge based on the little experiences you’ve encountered in your life, you lack in so many ways. God has things in store for us, things he wants us to learn from based on the challenges in our life. we have to accept all those things to take in everything God wants us to learn from. we simply cannot be ignorant. We cannot be shallow. We have to be acceptive. We cannot dwell on the past, because those are all blessings to us.

We need to allow ourselves to have God take authority over us, and be open minded and appreciative towards everything that will ever happen in our life. So if you have a blind fold on your eyes, or if you have not met Jesus Christ…

Please listen to me. Take a chance, and a little time to understand Jesus christ, and what he’s done to our lives. Without him, I would be nothing I would lack in so many ways. I would not be able to know what direction I should take, or what I should hold back. He is the ONE and ONLY that can be there for you, regardless of the place, and time. He’ll always be there for you. Please, put aside your ignorance and take this experience to loosen your mind…. and the see world with a new set of eyes.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Time just flies.

August 31st is fastly approaching, and the days are only tallying down one by one....

It makes me feel so sick and stressed to know that school is almost here. I don't want to sound like some emo child, but school has given me a lot of stress. I mean A LOT of stress. It's always been like that. Having to juggle extracurricular activities, practice, studying/homework altogether is a lot for me. Especially when you have to commute to different areas back and forth. One day seems like a minute, because I always have to do this and that. I wish time went by slower :(

Time management, and responsibility is a huge thing especially in high school. Although school did bring great memories, the stress is what really effected me. Lack of sleep and energy, a bunch of weight on my shoulders, and cramming. That's what my life was like everyday during the school year. I never had spare time for myself or for my friends. I would have to miss out on family dinners and get-togethers. I remember every time my friends asked me how I was doing or how my day was going, I would always reply back with, "I don't know. I'm just so tired. Worn out. Stressed." or something like that. I was so cranky, and I wasn't able to show the real me. I hate it how stress got ahold of me. I know I shouldn't be negative, but at times there was a lot to handle all at once, so I had to vent. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions. That's exactly the reason why I love VACATIONS so much. Although I continue with my extracurricular activities and individual studies, I can still relax. I can sleep as much as I want everyday, not having to feel utterly tired.

But having to know that I have to go back to my miserable lifestyle really saddens me. It gives me this depressing, queasy feeling.

I know i'm complaining too much. But I've done a lot of damage to my health by lacking so much sleep, while being at home only for a few hours to study and then sleep. My involvments were basically my home. I would get home late from this and that, and by then, I'd feel so worn out, still having to deal with homework and studying.

It feels good to be productive, but I don't want to constantly feel tired and worn out. It really sucks out all my energy. I try so hard to stay on top of things with a sharp mind, but when you're really tired.... your mind can't function at all. But I can't do anything about it, because I need to follow my priorities.

I wish it was easier to be optimistic. I should be excited for school, but then I don't want to lose my focus on school, by paying attention to the wrong things.

well, I have plans for sophomore year. I have goals. dreams. and things to do. I've already planned them and I've took advantage of this summer, preparing. In fact, I have future plans for the rest of my high school years as well. Regardless of how stressed I am, and what I have to go through, I'll work myself to do my best within everything. I really need to improve tremendously in every single year of high school, and throughout my whole life. I just hope I'll be able to have the same determination and endurance, even if I get worn out. I'm going to try to make this school year really memorable. I want to really "live my life" this school year, or at least be happier than I was compared to freshman year.

God. These are the times where I really wished a time machine was invented. Seriously. so many thoughts are just going through my mind.

I just hope this year as I turn one year older, I'll be able to mature more - as I appreciate my surroundings, learn how to endure, and look on the bright side. I hope that I'll be less tired, depending on how I manage my time strictly.

SIGGGHHH. I don't want to be a sophomore. I didn't know that I'd get here so fast. after 2 more years, i'll be off.... to the college world.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

It's never too late.

It's never too late to do the right thing, or to get back on track.

Everyone's messed up at one point in their life. In fact, we've all made mistakes, which lead to the reason why we are imperfect. We've all done something bad that we would keep to ourselves, and never let anyone know. Everyone's done something stupid, embarassing, or shameful. If we didn't, we wouldn't be people. But that doesn't mean that we should turn to the excuse that we can do whatever we want, just because life goes on - just because we're humans that make mistakes. Once you start living that kind of life style, you'll never earn your way through anything. You'll miss out on a lot of good things you could experience in a lifetime, and you won't get anywhere in life because you'll always be in the same place doing the same things, not even knowing what it feels like to improve.

A lot of people just give in to doing the same mistakes over and over again, because doing the right thing is always difficult. Because getting their act back together or making the effort to improve is something that they will have to do alone, with no one to believe or support them. It's true. Doing the right thing, what's best, and what's good for you isn't always easy. There are plenty of things you want to do with your life, just so many things that could easily be accessed and give pleasure, so why would you want to do the the right thing out of all choices - especially when you don't want to? Why would you want to waste time on something that would stress you out, and only make things harder for you? and why would you even waste time thinking about all those things, when no one is going to believe in you? When no one is going to have faith in you, and only put you down as they yell at you, make rude remarks, and show little interest in what you do?

It's always people who have that kind of negative mind-set and make those kinds of choices, that regret their past in the future, doing one of the things they avoided the most: wasting time on things they wouldn't want to do. They waste their time dwelling on the past, just thinking, "I should've, I could've, I wish I did this," when it's already carved in stone.

What people don't realize is, that there's always a way out of everything. There always is, regardless of how dark things may appear. If there wasn't a way out of things, there would be no such thing as hope, hard work, or success. We wouldn't call it life.

There's always going to be someone that has done something worse than you. Something that they can never forget, no matter how careless they seem on the outside. To them, it's just something that remains like a scar in their heart, that they can never erase. Whether it's the person standing next to you, the stranger across the street, or your own sibling, we're never going to know how they truly feeling deep inside. Although they don't express their feelings or react in a certain way after they make a mistake or do something horrible lik we do, they're still people - people that have feelings, and know what's right. They're people that want to do better, and feel dissapointed, especially when they know others are pointing fingers at them.

Despite the fact that you're the worst person in the world that has commited a myriad of crimes, know that you can always turn around and make a change in your life. That's we live life. We live to change, to learn, to improve, and just to do so many things. There really isn't anything we can't do, if we work hard. No matter how distant you've been from your family, no matter how many years you've slacked off in school and have failed to do decent in at least one class, no matter how many times you've dissapointed and scarred your loved ones, and no matter how many times you've come back to the same situation feeling hopeless.... know that there is a way out of making the same mistakes you've wanted to avoid. It's not impossible to change and fix all those things you've dealt with. As long as you take the first step - realizing that you need to do better, then you can reach your goals.

Regardless of how serious the situation is for someone or how positive they are with what they're dealing with, regardless of how much they seem to be trying.... they're just the same as us. They've just gone over the line, and are lost with what they have to do. They're people that can do amazing things that probably you and I couldn't even do. They're still people with potential, that can shine with their talents through effort. It's just that they're stuck in the same place, all the time. Some of them have already given up on trying and have turned ignorant and stubborn, others are still working hard to break bad habits and to prove to everyone that they are something, and some are blind to the reasons why others look down on them, but that's why there has to be a really good person to willingly accept them for who they really are, instead of becoming another best friend who loves them when they're spending them with without even knowing all of their flaws and mistakes. We have to help others and be patient with how they learn, with their reactions when they encounter epiphanies, and with supporting them unconditionally. If we were in need, that's what we would want as well, so why can't we do the same towards others? It's definitely a hard thing to support someone when they're doing the wrong things, but if you show them that you care enough to teach them what's right and wrong and what they should do, they will come to appreciate you sooner or later.

If you prove to someone that you want to help them and that you want to be a part of their life, they're going to have hope. If you are willing to wait for them to realize what they were blind to, and guide them in the right direction, the least they could do for you is thank them for changing their life, and making them feel that who they were wasn't a mistake. It's people like them that still need at least one person to care for them, and let them know that they believe in them because everyone needs a hand when they're in trouble. On the outside, it may seem like one is having the time of their life and is totally oblivious to the decisions that affect their life, but on the inside.... they have thoughts and regrets they ponder about time to time. Everyone needs to realize that you never know how someone is really feeling, or what they're thinking about, because it's something that remains deep down inside. What's inside another's heart no one can reach or fully comprehend, because it's not them that are in that place. Everyone expresses their emotions - whether it be gratitude, appreciation, sympathy, anger, dissapointment, or sadness, in different ways.

The message of the blog is, you shouldn't give up on anyone, because they're just the same as you - no better or less. They would thank you just as you thanked the individual that helped you out when you were in need. It's never impossible for someone to turn around and straighten up. It just takes time and their own effort. Be patient and continue to discipline and love them, because love is the leading cure for anything.

Let people take their time. No one is rushing them.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Valuable Lesson Learned

Everyone should come to learn this, at a certain point in their life. I've finally realized what it means to take one's life for granted. I've come to realize that everyone takes their life for granted whether or not they have certain experiences that have reminded them along the way to be appreciative, and look at the big picture. I've also come to realize how one can only come to see how valuable life really is.... once they see it gone in their eyes.

Today was father's day - a time to appreciate, celebrate, and love our dads who have done so much for all these years we've come to live. I can't imagine my life without my dad, because he's been there for every second of my life. Like everyone else, we've had our ups and downs, but those experiences are what always allowed us to understand each other more. Not only has my dad seen me grow for my 15 years in life, but I've seen him grow to understand and accept that I'm growing up. The people both of us were a year ago, are totally different compared to who we are now. I love my dad, and the times we shared are all indescribable. He's my everything, and I'd have to say I want my future husband to have a loving, supportive, compromising, and hardworking personality like him. I swear, I have not seen one man like my dad in this world. He's such a rare person to come across these days, and I can't lie.

What makes this day so special is not only the fact that it's Father's day, but also that everyone in the house as a family can come to appreciate what their husband, father, or grandfather has done in their lives. The wives, children, mothers, and grandmothers all gather together to share stories and past experiences they had with the men in the house. A lot of people should be fortunate to be able to have this kind of experience. What made me write this blog was not just because I wanted to talk about my dad, but also because at my church, I saw a man walking all alone in the cafeteria, spacing over large groups of people, while carrying a tissue close to his face. What I didn't know was that this man lost his wife just last week, from 4 years of cancer. Once I found out, I was heart-broken and felt so sorry for this man. As my mom went up to give her condolescences and tell him to grab something to eat, he tried to give his appreciation without the tears, but I guess he couldn't handle all the pressure from everyone. He was eager to just leave because he couldn't stop himself from crying. It all seemed like a scene from a movie. It just lasted a few seconds, but those seconds really taught me one of the most valuable lessons. It was people like him that could no longer experiences these moments under a warm household, with a complete family. I felt so guilty, and sad for him. I couldn't bare to stare into his face, for fear that I might cry while looking into his eyes that were filled with tears.

This man spent 4 years trying to balance his job, while taking care of his 7 year old daughter, along with paying hospital bills for his wife who had cancer. Just trying to picture all the hardships this man encountered, let alone trying to appear strong for his weak wife.... really made me emotional. And you know what? This man didn't have a rough start from the beginning. He was a professional baseball player in a famous Korean baseball team, and from looking at his past pictures, his wife was really beautiful and had pretty hair. It's hard to believe after looking at the present, and seeing her cover her head with hats after losing all her hair due to cancer. And not forgetting to mention, her husband got blind in one eye after an accident from his baseball career. All in all, these two made a beautiful couple, and regardless of how tragic, and horrible their fate could get... they always had faith and appreciated everything in their life. That's what allowed them to continue on, and never give up. I still remember to this day what this woman said. Just a few days before she passed away, she said after she recovered, she would drive all the ladies from church around in her van, and have fun going to the mall, spending time with all the girls. And this.... I can never forget. A young lady in her 20's was growing her hair to a really long length, and she told the lady with cancer that she would donate the hair to her after she recovered, and the moment she spoke those words.... the sick wife had a huge smile on her face, as her eyes sparkled with delight and excitement. I can never forget what she said, "Then I'm going to recover! I have to!" I couldn't imagine how much she must've missed her image before. To lose such beauty, strength, abilities, freedom, and her hair... must've really gotten to her. To have someone tell her it was all going to come back to her after recovery, must've really wanted her to get better.

Well, The man of this sick wife was not only very polite, but so kind, and warm to everyone he met eyes. To imagine how great of a hubsand he was to his wife, and how much he wanted to offer to her really put me in shock. Not only did I think, "In the future, I want a husband like that. Someone who can really love me, and stick with me to the end. To the point where I die," but I also thought of how people really took their lives for granted, and committed suicide just because they were sick and tired of undergoing and constantly enduring hardships. Let me tell you something. Humans are always going to encounter hardships whether or not they want to. We don't live a perfect life, and we aren't perfect ourselves. We need flaws, challenges, and problems to help us work - to survive and improve in our world. It's just the way things work, and regardless of how much more you think you go through compared to the person sitting next to you, there's always someone who always goes through the same thing as you. We never really are alone in this world, no matter how lonely, dark, and gloomy things may seem at the moment. In the end, once everyone reflects their life in the next 50 years, we'll all come to realize that everyone's problems were about the same, and somehow connected and tied to one another. Problems are all problems, and they can all be fixed.

When this man's wife was still alive, he was busy trying to balance so many things - a good father to daughter and wife to husband relationship, and a financially stable household, altogether. Most importantly, he was trying to endure all the pain and stress he bottled inside, just so he could let his wife know he could protect her, and let her know that things would be okay. The fact that she didn't have to worry. I found out that the ladies at my church would go over to his house just to take care of the man's child while he was at work, and they would wash the dishes, and do the laundry. And one time, for the girl's birthday, they decorated her room in pink and got presents for her because her parents couldn't afford it. I'm so thankful to know that there are still people who take the time to really reach out and care for others. This makes me feel as if there are still good people in the world. It makes feel safe, and so happy. Honestly, I don't know if I could ever grow to be such a good person like this man. Someone who is willing to be loyal, supportive, and give his all to the end, just for one person that he loves - to the point where one is out of energy and effort, but still continues on. All these things not only takes a lot of courage, but changes you drastically in so many ways you couldn't even fathom. I'm so glad I spotted this man today, because if it weren't for him, this day wouldn't have been as good as it could have been. Now I have an example that I can turn to when I want to be a better person, and when I make decisions. Now I know how valuable life really is, and what it means to truly love someone. I've come to realize suicide is not only a regretful thing to do, but it's one of the most selfish deeds one can make.

Honestly, just putting myself in this particular man's shoes brought tears to my eyes, and made me aware that I should put in that little effort to tell my dad how much he means to me, and that I love him, because reality is... you never know when someone's going to die. And you never know what you have until it's gone. Just seeing this man mourn silently on the inside while he clutched his little girl's hand, really made me realize that people are so stupid and hard-headed to not take the time to understand their problems until someone dies - until something tragic happens. Watching this man from a distance felt like the same experience as seeing someone die in front of my very eyes. I feel so appreciative to learn this valuable lesson today. Words can really not express all the emotions that are bursting in my chest.

I most definitely give my condolescences to his humble man, and his little girl. And you guys should really be aware that you should ALWAYS appreciate what you have, because everything you can be gone the next day. Everything always happens for a reason.

So make this day special, and tell your dad you love him, no matter how much they've bugged you, lectured you, or emotionally scarred you. Your dads are there for a reason, and they're fathers for a reason. They all love you, I can reassure you. And not only love your dads, but everyone - your family, friends, teachers, and even enemies. we only have one life, and we might as well live it by having a clean slate.

I just have so much more to say, but words can really not describe everything. I'm going to end by saying this:

I love you dad, Happy Father's Day. I want to say that thank you for everything and sorry for all the things I've done that dissapointed and hurt you.

And Lastly, my prayers go out to everyone, and this special man.

Please don't take another day for granted, and take time to appreciate everything as you look at the big picture, not just because it's out of pity for this man, but because of what could happen in future. Do it for yourself as an individual, and for your loved ones around you.We'll all have a tragic, life-changing moment just like the man who lost his wife, but regardless of the effects, we should always be thankful that it happened, instead of mourning and complaining about it.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

GRMR String Quartet State Competition

Tomorrow, thursday night..... my string quartet and I are leaving for a state competition in Ellensburg.

For the past months we've spent with one other, I can say my passion for music has really grown and matured in so many ways. Learning from and being surrounded with 2 seniors and a junior, have really changed my perspective in music. Well, not just music... but basically everything. They've played a huge role in stretching my mind to think beyond the obvious. They've helped me in so many ways.

The string quartet we've formed has been one of the highlights of the school year. Together, we rehearsed for hours and sacrificed time/freedom to do the best we could. I say "to do the best we could" because we never really had a specific spot we were reaching. We just wanted to put forth our best effort and show that throughout our music, represent KM, and have fun in the competitive environment. And really, we did do our best. Although none of us expected to go to State and were just expecting a 1 Superior score from the judge, we always did our best even if we had the slightest doubt in the back of our minds. We never had professional coaching from anyone. We practiced all by ourselves, and did it as a team. After the competition, as we were informed that we made it to state bceause we were the regional champions for the GRMR small group competition, beating 26 other teams, everyone was so happy and thrilled. That moment was so unforgettable, and I will never forget the rush of adrenaline I felt in my heart. I felt really proud and I knew that everyone in our string quartet family really deserved this, because we did all this by ourselves.

That was on March 14th. Now....we're leaving at 6 PM tomorrow for our State competition which is on April 24th on a friday. Doesn't time just fly? Especially when you're having fun, or being productive. Well, I'm leaving thursday evening to rehearse with the group, since our performance is at 8:10 AM. [We're the 2nd group to go.] We will be bright bright and cheery, so we can make a good impression on the judges, and of course.... be awake when performing! I'm just so happy with the improvement everyone in our group has made. Together, we've bonded, learned from one another, and have become passionate about the music we make together regardless of how many times we've played it. At first, the bond between each member in the quartet wasn't very close. But as we helped each other out, rehearsed at Logan's house, and started conversations..... we did get closer. The bond and time experienced with the members of a string quartet play an immense role in the music, and connection.

All those hours of rehearsals on weekdays, weekends, and breaks were worth it. Most definitely. On weekends, we we would rehearse from 5 or 6 PM, and get home at 9:45 PM. Sometimes, we'd get home past 10 as well. On school nights, we'd usually get home at around 8 - 9:15 ish. Then when we had coachings in Seatte, Dashpoint, and other areas. Preparing for this competition and just bonding as a string quartet is really time-consuming, but definitely worth it. Well, after becoming regional champs, we took our rehearsals a lot more seriously, and finally starting getting professional coaching from famously known musicians such as Elka [logan's private teacher], Quinton Morris, and John Schandle. Our very first coaching was from Elka. I just felt so honored to meet these people that were well-known in professional musical circles or recognized nationally in the music industry.

I feel privileged as a freshman, to be able to go to state with upperclassmen that share the same connection and passion with me for music. I feel really grateful to be meeting big people, and having professional conversations and coachings from them at their house. I don't want to boast or brag, so I want to let everyone know that I'm not any better than anyone else. I'm not any more qualified, or capable than any other human being. It's just that I've come this far, because I really was passionate about the music, and the fact that I received plenty of feedback from my fellow string quartet members. Thanks to them.... I know I can lead the orchestra next year a lot better than I thought, and grow as a musician.

Thanks so much everyone. I feel so grateful, blissful, and excited. Seniors Logan Ellis, Kailee Wright, and junior Eric Siljig really deserve some recognition. We've been through a lot together. In orchestra, outside of school, and in rehearsals.

Even if we don't place in state or get the score we expected.... as a string quartet we truly did try our best, and we improved in so many ways possible. We're all grateful to just represent KM by making it to state, and going to a state ensemble competition. What made us even more proud was the fact that KM didn't go to a state music ensemble in the last decade!

Well, before I go, I'm really going to reflect this school year and remind myself to be thankful, and just have fun for friday. Although I'm glowing with happiness, I feel guilty in some ways because this blog sounds like I'm a total attention-getter. Sorry. I just write things out to speak my mind, and what's going on in my life. And, I wanted to inform everyone how thankful and appreciative for their kind words.
This is probably the first time I'm not nervous to perform or compete with others. It's because I feel confident and ready for tomorrow. I hope all of our hard work pays off!

WISH US LUCK GUYS! :D Love you all, and thanks for the support.


Saturday, April 18, 2009

Evaluation on the song Spring Time

The song Spring Time by the korean pianist, Yiruma, is a mellow, sad, yet peaceful song to the ears. When you listen to it, it instantly warms your heart, and wants you to close your eyes to think of all the past pretty memories you had in your life. Well, at least that's how it's like for me. I'm not sure, but I think this song was in a korean drama as well, because several of Yiruma's songs are used in asian dramas. In this song, the melody starts out at an alto pitch, and as the climax of the song gets nearer, the the pitches get higher and more chords are heard throughout the piece. This song is not very dramatic, but more of a song you can listen to when you can't go to sleep.

I would give this song 5 out of 5 stars. I've always loved Yiruma's songs because they're so peaceful, and passionate. Just listening to each of his songs warm my heart! Definitely, Spring Time is one of my all-time favorites. This piece isn't too fast, or too slow. The speed, pitches, and everything is just perfect [at least in my opinion.] I know that whenever I need to clear my mind, or just relax... I can always listen to this song and feel at peace. Although Spring Time sounds very mellow and sad in some ways, it also brings a sense of hope, and a "new beginning." Especially the part after you finish listening to the climax. It's just like a breath of fresh air.

Overall, it's kind of hard trying to describe this song, because really... it can bring different emotions and feelings for everyone. It all depends on the way you take this song, and what your situation is. Good thing is, Spring Time is a song you can listen to any time regardless of the situation, or mood. The main reason I listen to this song is because it's calming, and meaningful. Five stars!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Evaluation on 2009's School Spring Break

Spring break. It's a time for kids to relax, sleep in, hang out with friends, have time to talk on the phone, to check your myspaces/facebooks, and just time to do everything you've missed out on. School breaks/vacations are always exciting for students & staff members, because it gives you the opportunity to do things you couldn't do on school days. Well, spring break lasts one week, and it started last saturday. This will be my first spring break in high school. How exciting. [Not, ha.] Anyways, during spring break I can gurantee you that a lot of kids will procastinate and slack off when it comes to homework. Why? Because they think that they will have all the time in the world, when really.... when one is having so much fun, time seems to fly by faster than you think. Overall, spring break is just very enlightening & delightful to students, obviously because there's NO SCHOOL! (: I just hope everyone uses the time we have this week wisely.

If I would have to rank this year's spring break from a scale 1-10, it would have to be around a 4 or 5. Why do I say this? Well, actually all of my breaks this year haven't turned out like what I expected, nor have they been relaxing. Sadly, breaks to me are no longer considered weeks of relaxation, hanging out, or free time. Instead, they're a time for catching up on activities, making up for lessons, doing homework, and eventually sleeping in. The only thing that really satisfies me this spring break is the fact that I will be getting a lot of sleep. Before I start getting to anything big, I'm going to warn my readers that this post will basically include a lot of my complaints about spring break. Hopefully, you can endure my incredibly long, boring, and painful rants.

So.... before spring break starts, most people exchange ideas and plans for what they want to do over break with their friends. They talk about what movie they'll watch, when they'll go shopping, or "chill." Well, I on the other hand have something different in store for me. So if you're curious, you'll be wondering, what exactly am I doing this spring break? 4 words: a lot of things. Complaint # 1: My piano teacher expects me to finish a huge, advanced piece just in one week of this spring break. We started working on the piece before, but things were pretty slow because I was busy with other things. Problem is, even though I'm on break now, I really don't know how I'm going to do this. This piece is incredibly difficult in so many ways, and I'm so depressed that I have to cram all this practicing in. Sadly, I can't even take my teacher's words lightly because she believes I can do this, so I can't let her down, or dissapoint myself. So much pressure, this sucks. :( But at least I don't have any violin lessons & byso rehearsals in bellevue this spring break, so I'm very, very, very happy! Next several complaints [skip this, and go to the next complaint if this part bores you]: Well, here's just a basic idea of my schedule: Last saturday: piano lesson, string quartet rehearsal, extra hours of piano & violin [because my private teachers are giving me more pieces to work on since it's break], & hw. Sunday: Church, piano & violin practice, and hw. Monday: Piano & violin practice, IRP group meeting, hw. Tuesday & Wednesday: Piano & violin practice, homework, IRP group meeting, and String Quartet rehearsal at 6 PM & 7 AM. Thursday: piano & violin practice, homework, and String Quartet coaching @ Seattle University 2:00 PM. Friday: Piano & violin practice, and homework. Saturday: piano lesson, instrument practicing, homework, String Quartet rehearsal, [maybe] IRP meeting. Sunday: hw, instrument practicing, church. Next complaint: Sigh... I really don't like how I have to include my instrument practicing on my schedule since it should already be an everyday thing. Darn these time-consuming pieces! Now I have more things to do. :// Well, I could rant and complain forever, but I think I should stop here for the reader's sake. As for me, it's actually helping me relieve my stress, ha.

Sigh... well look on the bright side. At least I don't have to go to school. Last Complaint: But then, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to talk on the phone often with my friends or hang out with them this week. Sorry guys. So overall.... this spring break won't be a time for me to lazy or relax 24/7, but it'll be more of a productive, work week. Oh well, it feels good to get things done. I'll feel accomplished, haha. Wish me luck guys! I'll try to stay positive, and realize how I should take advantage of the time I have. This spring isn't that bad, at least I can still catch up on some sleep! Hope everyone has a great spring break! You guys deserve a break after all the projects we've been getting lately, phew.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Evaluation on TV

TV's have been around for decades, and people watch them on a regular daily basis. People have certain shows they love to watch, and so they tweak their schedules to make time to watch those episodes. TV's are a main source of entertainment to children and adults. When you're bored, tired, hungry, or even hungry.... TV always seems to be the answer. It seems to be the cure for baby-sitting, and especially for boredom. Although TV's are big in communication and seem to entertain people, there are a lot of negative things that follow along with the simple pleasures as well.

Sometimes, watching TV becomes a habit and can form into an addiction. Eyes are glued to the screen, and children become couch potatoes, sitting on the couch for hours - eating chips, cookies, ice cream, junk food, and even skipping family meals to watch an episode. It's so easy for TV to take over one's life. I mean, if you constantly crave to watch TV every single day, and you can't go on a day without watching your favorite show.... that's a problem. But if you just watch at the most an hour of TV a few days a week, that's fine. But I personally, don't watch TV. It's just every now and then during break, I take the time to watch about 30 minutes of any random channel that's on the TV. Then I get up and usually go practice my instrument or I sleep in. I don't even have a certain show that I watch daily or weekly. My parents never provided cable for my brother and I, because they didn't want us to be influenced by inappropriate things and "waste time" when we had other priorities to take care of. When I was kid, I always wanted to watch TV. I thought it was unfair that everyone else had cable except for me. If my friends came over my house, they would always ask, "Hey, so do you watch LOST? I love Survivor! Did you watch that last night?" and my brother & I would always have to reply, "We don't have cable." I never really took into consideration that watching TV for too long was a "waste of time," quoted from my parents. I thought it was only normal for people to watch at least 1-2 hours of their favorite shows everyday, and discuss about them the next day with their friends. Actually.... it's just a bad habit that society has adapted to. Overall, connecting to my past has allowed me to appreciate and be thankful for what my parents have done. Although as a kid I complained about not being able to watch TV everyday and not having cable, if it weren't for my parents.... I'd probably have my eyes glued to the screen everyday. Therefore, I don't think TV is the best way to use time or even turn to as a source of entertainment. There are plenty of other ways to have fun while being productive. As long as you don't sit on the couch for over 2 hours watching TV everyday, it's fine and it won't do you any harm.