Saturday, October 31, 2009

You have it so much better than others.

A few days ago, I was talking to one of my friends [he will be nameless], and over the summer, we would talk a lot about school and our new goals for the school year. After checking up on how he was doing so far into the school year, I was once again dissapointed in him. Now, I'm not dissapointed in people that try their best and still don't get the results they work for. But with my friend, it was a different case. He didn't ever do good in school, didn't care to focus on his priorities, and felt hopeless, because of the fact he was lazy. These days, kids just don't get it. There are kids that just don't care about school, because they feel as if they'll still get somewhere even if they don't graduate high school. They think they'll be able to straighten their act whenever they feel like it.


We're so selfish. The students [especially kids in America] don't know how lucky they are to go to school. They are not thankful for being able to go to school for free, and have the privilege of attending clubs, and joining sports that their schools provided for the students.

You see.... every single day, students are provided with opportunities. With all this time we have in high school, all we ever do is complain about what we can't do, what we have to do, and what we don't have. Just stop complaining. Stop being so lazy.

You really don't know how good you have it. I wish kids could get it through their head that anyone can get good grades, and achieve things they wanted to do. Sometimes, success seems like an impossible thing for some, but those individuals are the ones that have never really tried their best in anything.

It's easy to realize your flaws, what you need to fix and improve on, and your dissapointments. But it's hard to actually put in your effort, and be consistent in what you do. I wish students in America could stop being so selfish. If you think about it, all we ever do is whine, complain, rant, and resent our teachers for giving so much work and stress onto our shoulders.

But did you ever think about yourself at a national scale? Have you ever thought about the kids in third world countries, who do whatever they can on the streets to earn money, just so they can afford enough money for school? And have you ever thought about those students in Asia who get 2 hours of sleep, going to school on saturdays, staying at school until 10 PM to study, and yet... they STILL cannot get into the college they want? Have you ever thought about anyone else but yourself?

We all need to realize, there are millions of kids who want what we have. There are so many people that work harder than us, that would do ANYTHING to be in our place. To go to school, get help from teachers, make new friends, carry simple binders and pencils around, and use lockers to store all our supplies. We complain about all the work we have to do in one night, when really.... if we did our best to productively use our time, we could've been on top of things much more.

It's sad to see potential going to waste, as kids just skip school, cheat on school work, and have this "I don't care, I'm just going to play in life" kind of attitude. Although I sound extremely blunt in this blog, I'm going to be straight forward with those kind of people right here:

You aren't going to succeed, in fact... you are never going to make it anywhere if you just lay around and sit there. Out of all the times in your life, this will be one the only time when people say no to you and constantly remind you of your failures, and never will you be able to say YES back to anything. This is the one time where you will have to face your mistakes, and do something about it. You're dealing with your own future. This is your life. Wake up, and face reality. You can't escape this time. And once you start to escape, all the things you ignored will continue to add up for you to finish in the end.

My point is, whether you are an average student, a slacker, or a hardworking kid, we should always be thankful for what we have.

All people ever do is talk about how thankful we should be and how good we have it, when really... we don't give a care about the world. When really, we're just expected to be appreciative and never really know what others are going through.

Seriously, if the kid in Asia who worked 10 times harder than you came to America, THEY would have their college application accepted, and not you. THEY would be the one to finish their homework, find time to do things, and not complain.

If you think you need motivation, an extra push, more opportunities, and support, think again.

Other kids are alone, and they are independent with what they do. They support themselves, and sacrifice everything for their future. They don't get any sleep, they risk their health, study all day for entry exams, and yet..... all their hardwork is still not enough to get into a mediocre college in their country. Students in Asia are so competitive with their academics, if they aren't the top 1 in their class, they are bound to not get anywhere.

If you think YOU are living in a competitive environment, you have not looked at the big picture.

We have no right to slack or complain. Opportunities await for you everyday. You just need to search for them yourself. And people need to quit being so lenient on themselves. There are people who are already thinking of not graduating high school, but still thinking of going to special schools where they train people for jobs. Those individuals have already gave up on themselves. They've already planned to go for less.

That my friend..... is so unfair. Just because doing good is hard. Just because it seems too late to try in school or even get a decent grade.

Well, good things in life aren't easy to achieve. You earn your way through, and if you continue to just ignore what your teachers and peers tell you to do, you won't get anywhere.

we are never grateful enough for what we have. we always want more or less of something.

we just don't realize how lucky we are, and in order to show our appreciation, we should at least do our best not just for ourselves, but for all those students out there that yearn to go school, to know what it feels like to have homework, and to have a bright future.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A lot of things - A good guide for those who are lost.

I understand.

I understand when you're trapped, confused, and feeling weak.

I understand what it feels like to feel so small, and useless compared to others.

I understand the pressure. The stress. The tears, the anger, and the burning determination.

I am a student. I have understood what it means to be in high school.

For those who are lost, not knowing what to do in life.... thinking about why you aren't capable to do certain things and complaining about your problems isn't going to help you at all. What's really going to help you out is figuring what you need to change, and how you're going to get there. Everyday, the same people are always talking and excitedly planning about what they want to do for their future, when in the end they suffer and become non-committed.

You see, it's about planning. It's about being mature in keeping a promise to yourself, without allowing your temptations to get a hold of you. Don't be lenient on yourself, yet don't greedily overload yourself.

As I look around in a room full of classmates, I am aware that every now and then, people see me as some sort of "music prodigy" or some kind of role-model that is talented. But to tell you the truth, I'm not as talented or musically inclined, really. I'm not being humble or modest about what I just said. A lot of peers say that I'm bad at taking compliments, and that I'm humble.... but the truth is, I'm not. You need to realize, I'm not someone that is significantly talented in a circle of semi-pro musicians. Neither am I "talented" when I think about myself at a national scale. Sure, depending on the environment and the people that are there, I could stand out a little, but if you were to look at the big picture.... I'm just another student that's doing what's expected of them - working hard.

But you know what?

I accept that. I accept who I am, but that doesn't mean I stop there. I can still do something about it. I can still improve, do better, and get where I want to be if I work hard. And just because I accept my flaws, failures, and dissapointments doesn't mean I lack confidence. Acceptance is something that is so hard for certain people to understand, but it's all apart of maturity.

You see, I am who I am today, because of the effort I put into the things I wanted to work hard in. And maybe, I'm just not doing my best, or trying hard enough, because deep inside I know I can do better. Yeah.... Im' not always proud of what I do and my results, but that pushes me to do more.

I understand that every now and then, when there's a super star in the school that is able to do anything and everything with excellence, it can bring jealousy and even motivation. But sometimes, whatever drives you to do more and better... can come out in the worst ways.

Whether it be anxiety, fear, jealousy, or burning motivation, we always need to be patient and think over what our priorities are. Figuring out our personal strengths and qualities of ourself is the always the first thing we need to think about, before we join a club or get involved in an activity.

So many people in my classes, in Kent Meridian High school, and in this nation do not know what it means to really succeed, nor do they realize what colleges really seek. I'm not saying that I know everything about colleges and I have nothing to worry about, because in actuality, I'm no better than anyone. I have plenty of weaknesses and things I have to improve on. I have plenty of incapabilities, and things I do not know.

But people need to realize that they can't always base their actions from their feelings... even motivation. Because everything needs planning, and thinking.

If you're going to a big name college... THINK. think why you want to go to that college. What's so good about that college anyways? What's are the specific needs you want from that college? What's the personality of that college? Do you work better in smaller or bigger learning communities, and does the college you want to apply for satisfy you with the amount of students and teacher-student relationship? Are you sure you'll get the best out of your future there? Are you sure they provide the best education even when Ivy league colleges these days are all about the names?

You see..... too many people are scared. their fear and anxiety is what drives them to instantly jump to conclusions about Ivy league colleges.

To all those out there that are caught up in so much stress and "crap," I tell you, please get rid of your pride. that's very FIRST thing you do. Although stripping away your pride is something that helps someone have confidence, pride is something that blinds people's decisions in so many ways. At this point, it's time you have to be honest with yourself and think about your qualifications. It's at this very point life... where you realize who you are, and regardless of how you feel, you have to accept it. And once you accept who you are regardless of how painful it is, you move on from there and make a new promise. A promise that CAN be made - a harder working, prioritized, and more responsible you.

I wish students could get it through their heads that college admissioners already know the darn old trick that every student uses: the CAFETERIA METHOD for clubs. It's when students overload themselves with clubs, with no strong committment within each club. to be HONEST, clubs do not take a lot of time at all. They're once a week, and at the most an hour. Sure, clubs involve activities, community service, and other involvements that take up a few hours every now and then.... but really? It doesn't make a significant difference on who you are.

I'm going to be straight forward with the truth here.

Don't join a club, if the club isn't your passion. Don't even join a club just because you're going to take a leadership position in there. Because... it's really not going to make a difference on your transcript. It's the thing that your MOST passionate about that will lead you to do great things and bring change to the club, and reach out to the school and community. Colleges don't expect much from clubs, unless the individual made a significant difference within the community from the club. Otherwise, you're just another one of those average students in the nation going to a club once a week, and afterwards, going home. Big deal.

seriously, PLEASE. LISTEN. If you want to succeed, stop comparing yourself to others so negatively. You will NEVER succeed in life, if you continue on with that nasty habit. Always accept yourself for who you are, and take on the mistakes and things you wished you could change about yourself in a positive way.

And here's another big thing. I'll be straight foward. It's true - to get into a big name college, you need to be exceptionally skilled in at least one talent, and show the results through recognitions, awards, and competitions. Whether it be sports, music, debate, or etc..... you need to compete with others to see how far you can go, and how much harder you need to work. College admissioners prefer an individual that is committed to just one or two things they're exceptionally good at, instead of doing several things at a mediocre level. I'm aware that many people in high school "don't know" their personal talent they can be proud of. Honestly, although it sounds extremely corny, I'll say it anways. Everyone has a talent. Everyone has something they can be proud of. Sometimes, people are lucky and have parents that had their kids pick up on a sport or instrument at the age of 3, so they could have more experience. Some kids never heard of extracurricular activities until they stepped into their advisory class in freshman year. Of course at that stage, those kids are going to be dissapointed, feeling hopeless.

People need to realize: YOU DON'T SUCCEED by just going to an IVY league college. college is not where your life ends at all. you still got plenty of years to enjoy your life, and make the best out of it. All colleges have a specialized major or field they excell in, and it's best to get into those majors instead of just a mediocre major the college provides. Regardless of your qualifications, you have to accept yourself and realize where you can go and what you can do. Because what really matters is not about the college you can get into, but your effort and what you can contribute to the community.

No matter what.... don't ever be dissapointed about yourself. Don't you EVER.

Because all your hard work will pay off, and I promise you, your results WILL reflect the amount of effort you put into everything IF..... you base your plans and actions with RIGHTEOUS attentions and careful planning. To succeed, pride and arrogance is something that is never involved. Take away all that pride and the compliments you received your whole life. Think about yourself for once, and be honest..... who are you? What do you think of yourself? Why? and then..... how are we going to change that?

The best thing to do is never compare yourself in a negative way to others. Only focus on yourself, ALWAYS. But before you focus.... make sure that your dreams and goals are all very detailed having a reason WHY you want to do the things you do. Because when it comes to colleges, so many students just don't know the real answer to why they want to go to Harvard, or Yale. Why not a smaller college that still provides the same education as Harvard? Honestly.... do you do it for the reputation and the name? Be HONEST with yourself.

Also, never ever be cocky. A high school star is nothing compared to the nation. Even if you're the best of the best at school and in the community, you still have thousands of other students competing with you, and some of them are more harder working than you are.

so I hope this helped. i was talking to a friend about this, and that individual was the only this year that seemed to connect the same way as I did about these kinds of subjects.

Please..... before it's really too late, realize what's really going to get you somewhere. don't be selfish, greedy, blind, unrealistic, and depressed about everything.

just calm down and think about it.


so just got home a few minutes ago from the splash concert, and a late-night teriyaki meal x)


today was a good day. I'm so glad I didn't have to accompany the sound connection choir on the piano! Mr. Thompson unexpectedly gave me the music yesterday, and wanted me to play the piece by today, at the concert. Fortunately, he said "don't worry about it, I'll just play it." phew!

anyways, splash concert = pretty good. i knew this year's orchestra had some hard working freshmen, that were willing to improve. seriously. our orchestra improved a lot for a start, compared to last year. last year's orchestra improved a lot too throughout the year, but the orchestra's start this year is a little stronger. i'm excited. hopefully we keep this going, and i can still manage to keep these kids in line, guide, and help them out. The audience loved it, and totally got the whole practical jokes behind the performance. choir improved a lot too, seriously! it helps to have a big choir, by forming all the different types of choirs together. piano accompaniment by this one dude was very passionate, and relaxing as well. woot. oh and at the end of the concert, I met charlie outside because he got out of the concert from recording for royals weekly review. I had to get an interview as the concert mistress of the orchestra. MAN... I look like crap, and sound so stupid and careless on that recording. I know it's gonna be on the video because the girl said so, and we couldn't re-record. i had so many distractions. oh well... just laugh with me when you see it please.

well, i barely have hw tonight, just spanish. it's because i finished up all the english homework last night, finished last night and today's math hw yesterday, already started on the media production for fisher's project, and etc. i'm ahead on stuff. no need to stress about school work.

happy happy =)

it pays off to be productive.

well, late arrival tomorrow for everyone. but not for me. gotta get to school by 8:30 AM to meet up with my piano teacher, to rehearse the competition piece at the PAC. nervous but just a little....tiny bit pumped. my teacher just told me she was sick, but that she would still try to come tomorrow to school. man, hope she is able to come so we can rehearse. otherwise, i'm just gonna rehearse by myself at the PAC, because mr. roller and mrs. cate gave me permission.

ahaha...... i'm writing too much. i'm gonna stop right here. and i realized, that people do read my blogs. i wrote my blog posts for me to clear my thoughts or vent, and apparently a few people do get a few ideas out of them. well, i haven't checked the comments on blogs for so long, forgot they even existed.
thanks for those commenters, and i'm sorry i'm a little late on that.

see you all tomorrow. get some rest guys, and sleep in. technically, i get to sleep in 2 more hours, since i usually wake up at 5:30 AM for zero hour, but tomorrow i'm waking up at 7:30 AM for competition rehearsal.


Monday, October 12, 2009


you just go to move on.

there comes a point in life where you realize the way you approach and deal with things are immature, selfish, and self-centered.

there comes a point in life where you realize you can't base your actions because of your emotions, and the temptations that follow along with those feelings. Everyone has to have patience, endurance, and self-control.

and there comes a point in life where you realize you weren't as great as you thought you were. There were certain things you wish you could've done better, or at least improve on. we should never feed our minds with how great we are, even if we are proud. Because the truth is, you aren't the best in the world. you aren't the smartest. you aren't the fastest. you aren't the greatest. there's people that work harder than you and that have experienced life a lot more than you have to build them up with perseverance to endure anything.

we're all immature. whether it be a high school teenager, or even a 40 year old adult, we're not perfect. and the way we deal with situations, especially the ones that effect us negatively, are approached in really immature, and careless ways.

and the hard thing is, getting past that behavior to change in better ways, and be more positive. The hardest thing is keeping your word about it all, and being consisent. The easy thing is probably realizing what you need to change.

Human nature.... it's all too interesting yet complicated in ways you could never categorize no matter how deep you search.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

i'm in that mood for late night blogging.

i've been blogging a lot.... lately.

deep breathes.

i had a lot of those today.

today was a long day.

sometimes, i just want to lay on my bed, and wish time would turn back to the days where i was a kid.

how did I get here so fast? how could time be so cruel, without even a simple warning?

can't help but waste the seconds of my passing life, thinking about my past, and reminiscing.

can you tell me? what if my life ends, in what seems like a couple seconds?

time only seems to pass by faster, when we're finally able to understand and appreciate what we have.

why now?

i can't help but complain. I don't want to, but sometimes.... when things seem dark, you can't help but have this yearning to turn around and just give up, because it makes you feel safer.

but now, it's not an option to back out, or even stop. life's a race. we keep on going, and continue.

all I have is my music to help get rid of all the waste inside of my mind. the waste - all the troubles, stress, and worries.

I'm trapped, in doubt, and in great need of nothing but deep sleep.

i don't wish to continue on to the next day, as i drag on this kind of negative attitude. i do not wish to spread something so unpleasant to others, as they think themselves, "what's her problem?"

I wish life was easy.

i do not like to complain and show my weaknesses in such a negative way. but today,

I just didn't care.

I wanted to do what i wanted to do. but, for some reason....

it's not making me feel any better.

I just wasted a bunch of time I could have used productively. I didn't follow my schedule. i was immature.

and now, i'm one step behind.

i'm sick of preparing for tomorrow, when you're living today.

I want to just stop.

because.... right now, i just don't feel like it.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Woot (fyi - rushed writing on here = bad grammar, and mistakes.)

sophomore year is great.

i'm not stressed with the project... well not yet. i'm keeping to my word about being positive, and looking on the brighter side of things. As long as I stay on top of the deadlines, I won't have to procastinate or rush days before the project is due. To those who always stress out and can't manage to find time... I'm sorry but those are just excuses.

I've been there, done that, and just possibly everything. I've experienced it all.

I'm not a person with free time. Every single day throughout the day, I have a lot to do, excluding homework. I know some people work slower than others, and I can definitely say that I'm a really, really slow worker.

But, after learning from my mistakes, and continuing to train my mind to focus and work faster, I've realized that it has helped me to save a tremendous amount of time. I've learned to be productive, because in high school.... every single second counts. You could do so much in just a couple minutes. It's true. It's just about the focus and attitude.

This year, I could have ended up like every other year - being stressed in really negative ways, barely having any sleep, and constant cramming.

BUT.... I used my summer wisely to prepare and plan out my future years. Although my peers relaxed during the summer and did fun things, I shut myself out from temptations and focused on what I should work on about myself... so the school year could be easier for me.

If I never took the time to realize what I should fix about my attitude, my work ethic, my habits, and commitment.... I would have gone downhill.

I'm sorry to say, but there is always someone that is doing more than you are. There's no use in saying you have no time at all, when you seriously take the time to think about how you spend every hour after school. What do you after school when you get home? Do you turn on the TV instantly? Do you go on the internet - myspace, facebook? Couldn't you get rid of the distractions? Couldn't you just stop being so lenient on yourself?

This is something I've learned. I have an extremely good example. Logan Ellis. One of my closest KM graduate friends. We've both learned so much from one another, and I've benefited so much from being able to spend time with him during rehearsals, practices, and in orchestra. You could not imagine all the things he has to do in life. I'll list some of his involvements - school plays, college plays [@ green river], Tacoma Youth Symphony, All-Northwest Orchestra, Rosamunde String Quartet, AA degree in college, jazz band [since 8th grade], viola lessons, violin lessons, vibe lessons, solo & ensemble competitions, tennis [not in senior year], and etc! These are just a few of his involvements, and you can definitely say he has a lot to put on his transcript. All of these involvements require a ton of time, and practice. Music is only determined through practice, practice, practice. It's just about the fight for time. Logan has time to do all these things because guess what? He doesn't have a facebook. Does he have a myspace? No. Does he use chatting services every day to talk to his friends online? No. He'd rather use his precious time in wiser way.

You see... Logan Ellis still manages to function properly every single morning and be positive about everything he does because his involvements are his passion. Because he does not waste time, and takes full responsibility.... he is able to put everything together. I wouldn't mind if someone as responsible as Logan were to complain about how busy, or tired he was. But no.... I have never gotten that from him during the whole year I was with him. Why? It's because he is a leader, that sets an example for everyone. So he has to be stronger, and on top of things than anyone else.

The way to do this is by taking the first step: realizing what you need to fix, and keeping your word to that promise. And this summer... I realized that's the first thing about being mature. That's something so essential you need to apply out in the real world.

Like Logan's involvements, mine are very similar such as piano/violin competitions, jazz band, chamber orchestra, Bellevue Youth Symphony, piano lessons, violin lessons, Rosamunde String Quartet, a new orchestra quartet, golf, and several other clubs. But, I'm far from being as accomplished and as organized as Logan.

People need to see that just because you're really involved does not mean you are qualified for being a well-rounded student. You have to do what you can commit to, what you are willing to dedicate time for, what you can do your best in, and most importantly, what you love. I feel like a complainer comparing myself to Logan's schedule, but I am aware that I do not have free time in my life. But regardless of what I have to do, I still manage to put myself together, and have more sleep than last year. I still manage to have a brighter, and positive attitude this year.

I started off strong, and just liked I promised, I'll be mature about keeping to my word.

There are many good examples of responsible people. The word responsible is exemplified in so many ways, but it gets to people's head that being responsible is getting good grades. That's not very much so.

It's about how you plan to get good grades, how you work, how you use your time, and your attitude. If you procastinate to get good grades and use excuses on how busy you were..... you aren't responsible. Although everyone procastinates, there comes a time where you realize you need to stop and move on from that stage. Procastination is deadly, and will only change your attitude in the ugliest ways. Don't turn to procastination.

Logan Ellis, Kailee Wright, Joseph Lee, and etc. are all really, really good examples of responsible people. Responsible people are the ones that succeed in life. And those people are the rare individuals that are able to make a difference in the world, because only a small group of individuals can bring change. these individuals don't just "call it good" and let cockiness get to their heads. They realize that they can do more, and they're willing to do their best, so they go far. They don't take a look at how far they are compared to their peers, and just stop where they are. They do the things they do to better themselves as individuals.

Although I'm far from being a kind of person with strong characteristics as those 3 people, I'm working towards it. I won't stop, and I won't "call it good" because of what people say. I do things because I want to, because I want to do more. And I will really avoid procastination. This applies to everyone. If you're struggling with what you have to manage in high school, think about what exactly you do and what gives you the right to complain when someone has it worse than you. That's where you start.

Once again... I CANNOT emphasize this more than enough: WASTING TIME = PROCASTINATION. WATCHING TV when you could be doing HW = PROCASTINATION. Hanging out with friends when you're supposed to be working on a project = PROCASTINATION. PROCASTINATION = FAILURE.

we're in high school. figure it out, and get your act together. You aren't always going to be lucky. You can pass by with procastination in school with homework, projects, and etc. but when it comes to sports or music.... your performance definitely reflects how much you practiced. You cannot hide from your mistakes.

don't regret it over and over again, and get depressed about life. take the time to think about how the most accomplished people are able to still have a normal life, and not complain with everything they have to do.

So this is what I wanted to talk about today. another long blog... jeez.

this was just for myself, and what I learned. It helps clear my mind. If you did read this.. hope you got something out of it and i hope it helped in some way?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

So far so good.

school's going good.

staying on top of things.

concentrating, and doing things faster.

saving time, therefore more sleep time.

productivity. love it.

keeping to my word, and being mature about it.

2010 goals, here i come.

i'm ready, bring it on.