Friday, August 14, 2009

Time just flies.

August 31st is fastly approaching, and the days are only tallying down one by one....

It makes me feel so sick and stressed to know that school is almost here. I don't want to sound like some emo child, but school has given me a lot of stress. I mean A LOT of stress. It's always been like that. Having to juggle extracurricular activities, practice, studying/homework altogether is a lot for me. Especially when you have to commute to different areas back and forth. One day seems like a minute, because I always have to do this and that. I wish time went by slower :(

Time management, and responsibility is a huge thing especially in high school. Although school did bring great memories, the stress is what really effected me. Lack of sleep and energy, a bunch of weight on my shoulders, and cramming. That's what my life was like everyday during the school year. I never had spare time for myself or for my friends. I would have to miss out on family dinners and get-togethers. I remember every time my friends asked me how I was doing or how my day was going, I would always reply back with, "I don't know. I'm just so tired. Worn out. Stressed." or something like that. I was so cranky, and I wasn't able to show the real me. I hate it how stress got ahold of me. I know I shouldn't be negative, but at times there was a lot to handle all at once, so I had to vent. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions. That's exactly the reason why I love VACATIONS so much. Although I continue with my extracurricular activities and individual studies, I can still relax. I can sleep as much as I want everyday, not having to feel utterly tired.

But having to know that I have to go back to my miserable lifestyle really saddens me. It gives me this depressing, queasy feeling.

I know i'm complaining too much. But I've done a lot of damage to my health by lacking so much sleep, while being at home only for a few hours to study and then sleep. My involvments were basically my home. I would get home late from this and that, and by then, I'd feel so worn out, still having to deal with homework and studying.

It feels good to be productive, but I don't want to constantly feel tired and worn out. It really sucks out all my energy. I try so hard to stay on top of things with a sharp mind, but when you're really tired.... your mind can't function at all. But I can't do anything about it, because I need to follow my priorities.

I wish it was easier to be optimistic. I should be excited for school, but then I don't want to lose my focus on school, by paying attention to the wrong things.

well, I have plans for sophomore year. I have goals. dreams. and things to do. I've already planned them and I've took advantage of this summer, preparing. In fact, I have future plans for the rest of my high school years as well. Regardless of how stressed I am, and what I have to go through, I'll work myself to do my best within everything. I really need to improve tremendously in every single year of high school, and throughout my whole life. I just hope I'll be able to have the same determination and endurance, even if I get worn out. I'm going to try to make this school year really memorable. I want to really "live my life" this school year, or at least be happier than I was compared to freshman year.

God. These are the times where I really wished a time machine was invented. Seriously. so many thoughts are just going through my mind.

I just hope this year as I turn one year older, I'll be able to mature more - as I appreciate my surroundings, learn how to endure, and look on the bright side. I hope that I'll be less tired, depending on how I manage my time strictly.

SIGGGHHH. I don't want to be a sophomore. I didn't know that I'd get here so fast. after 2 more years, i'll be off.... to the college world.

1 comment:

Alison Gail said...

Aw, Esther. You just summed up my feelings towards August 31st exactly. I feel you. I was so stressed & worn out & so many people gave me unwanted "drama".
You're great & don't stress too much, girl. We're only sophomores :-P Who would have thought we'd say that after a hardcore freshmen year! :) Take care, dearest.