Thursday, April 1, 2010

penultimate day of the week before break.

got back from a band concert.

I'm so tired. I got home late, then I had to leave after an hour and a half later, for the concert.

You know what's funny? Nikki knows, because I told her behind stage. haha.

I never get nervous for concerts (at least not school concerts) until... the very moment I'm on the stage, about to play. Strange, huh? I start burning up, and my cheeks feel like they're 3453453450498 degrees. hahaha.

And the heat gave me a headache, when I was on stage. The heat from the lights, all the bodies in the auditorium, my body, and my cheeks lol. Constant surrounding of heat always give me headaches, and it sucks. I guess that's one of the reasons why my mom told me I played too stiff and uncomfortable today. Well, I didn't play as well as I could because I wasn't at jazz band very much. I know I could have taken the music home to practice, but my first priority is not jazz. It's my lesson pieces for upcoming competitions. If I'm able to just go with the flow and fit the right chords in for the music without much practice, then I'll do so. Mr. Roller said that's what jazz piano is all about anyways, so I could save time for more lesson practices. The main reason I joined jazz because Mr. Roller kept wanting me to join, and I thought it would be interesting to try out. I was never passionate or extremely serious about it. Another mistake I've made: Only join when you are fully confident that you're going to be serious, committed, and still have fun.

Now more of a personal evaluation: I feel bad because I'm letting the group and especially Mr. Roller down for my absences, but I really don't have a choice. I was putting myself first and my priorities. Mr. Roller was the one that brought me into jazz, and I should have made more effort in return to thank him. Sigh. I was not able to attend zero hour jazz band very much this quarter because 1) my wrist was damaged. I couldn't play. 2) this quarter had the most absences due to sickness. so i had to stay at home. and the most common reason/excuse3) I couldn't wake up. Why? I have been so exhausted and tired this quarter. it was intense, because I could barely get sleep, due to the preparations for my upcoming competitions. After all the competitions, I will get more sleep which means = present at zero hour! and my wrist is better now, so I can play piano! I just can't play violin as often because I have to twist my arm for positions and fingering. Anyways, I won't have to let nikki alone to play all the jazz pieces during zero hour. I feel bad all the time. Even though when it comes to things that are not my main priorities, I still need to learn how to be more responsible. I'm just grateful Mr. Roller and I were good last year. That's the only thing that's saving me from not getting an A in zero hour.

I'm grateful for mr. roller's patience and understanding for me. Whenever I talk to him, he understands because he's been there to support me for my outside musical involvements, especially like last year.

Mr. Roller thank you, and I'm very sorry. And to the rest of the jazz musicians (especially nikki, since you play piano too), I'm so sorry! once all the crazy things are done, I will be back on track.

5 comments:

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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