This draft has been empty.

So I will fill it with thoughts of mine. a lot of amazing things have happened this school year and a lot of not-so amazing things have happened as well. But at least there's a balance. I've gotten to know a lot more about IB and have befriend many people. I've also lost connection with a lot of peers as well.

This school year was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me. That's all I can say.

I hope next year, (although things won't get any easier), it'll be a time for me to finally look back on all my years of hard work I put in ever since I was in elementary school up until now. I hope all my hard work pays off the way I imagined it to be when I was a kid. I really do think I deserve it, based on all the sacrifices I've made and amount of support my parents given for my future.
I'm happy for the new friends I have and the different kinds of people I have met. and to be honest, for some reason, I'm not that sad at all for those who have drifted apart from me. It's life. If they're meant to be, something will happen. If not, life goes on.

THE SAT, SAT SUBJECT TESTS, CALC AP EXAM, SL CALC IB EXAM, and UPCOMING MATH COMP. These upcoming dates are crucial. Along with Math club, LiNK chapter, NHS, church orchestra, and upcoming performances, I still find ways to be happy. And I'm happy I'm finally able to maintain that balance this year. Without my friends, I don't think I would have been able to. ................... but sometimes I wish I just started the piano at 3 or even 6. then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't even be considering the ib diploma or thinking about academics. I would have been attending a music academy and my mentors would be music professors. It's too late to even dream about that now. I got to find another passion. I just hope it comes soon enough, because time is only passing faster and faster.

So so busy. So incredibly busy, I can't see what's infront of me.

-School work
-music
-church orch.
-community service + CAS hours
-math club
-school clubs
-scholarships and essays
-SAT practice
-and currently: FINALS - IOP the 25th tuesday.


I CAN DO IT!


"Forever is a long long time and time has a way of changing things." -Fox and the Hound

Love that movie.

Epiphany.

I used to search for ultimate happiness. I thought it was something I could attain and grasp eventually over time. However, that is not so. In actuality, happiness is the little bits and moments of life that you chose to be thankful and positive for, and smile for. When you look back in your life, you'll realize you already achieved happiness. Happiness is eternal and ongoing. It just doesn't take place in all the moments of your life.

Life is really what you make of it.

In times of struggling, you have to gain the strength to overcome your fears and discouragement with positivity and motivation.

In times of loneliness, emptiness, and unhappiness, you have to accept and realize that you will never have a definite answer of who you are, because it will always change within every moment of your life. I've learned that in life, your thoughts and views of your identity will not remain the same because you can't be God and be able to determine what kind of person you were during your entire existence. That's impossible. Our answers will always change because in actuality, life isn't so simple. We cannot determine who we are by the mere moments we have experienced from day one until now. We are forever changing and growing. However, you can be thankful and happy with the moments you experience, and give your best during those times.

Although one can never achieve happiness within every single second of their life, if they are willing to go through painful process of forgiving themselves and their peers, accepting their mistakes/faults, and facing their fears, they will be able to move on in life, and have the energy and willingness to once again be positive for the future.

I've also learned another thing. Perfection and good reputation are ironically the bane of everyone's existence. People shouldn't aim for perfection and recognition because eventually, they will lose themselves. If one is aiming for only perfection and the life they designed for themselves, they will only be living a dream - living in illusions and having too high of expectations.

People should learn to accept what has happened in their life regardless of how painful, awful, and horrifying it may be.

All in all, one will never be able to find who they are. They will never be able to wake up one day, and figure out their identity, and live with that same identity throughout the rest of their life.

In my dark days and weak days, I will from now on choose to be positive. I will from now on choose to be GRATEFUL and thankful. From now on, I will stop comparing myself to other peoples' sufferings, hiding my feelings, and lying to myself that I am okay. Instead, I will be honest with my feelings and how I feel, and from there, will accept and move on. I will stop telling myself that I am selfish becauseof the fact that I want to give myself a little time to cry every now and then when there are people in much worse situations, because I am here right now, with this problem waiting to be solved. I need the pieces to be mended. I need to organize my thoughts and emotions. In order to reach out to those who are in greater need, I need to get ahold of myself first. I will start being the best me I can, while being positive and grateful within every given moment, because when I reach my last days and reflect my past, I will then know that I was happy during those moments - therefore, already having pursued happiness.

confirmation to The question in my life.

Today, I feel a little more secure. I feel a little more lighter. I feel that reassurance and it seems to fill me whole.

I feel that bit of hope gleaming in my heart. It's finally bright.

I realized I haven't blogged for a while. I realized I been far, far away from the world. Actually, I've realizeed a lot of things over the past months this year.

But today, I've realized perhaps one of the most important things of my life. Nikki Molina helped me along the way.

It's too much to say in words. And I find that rather funny because I am a person that has quite a lot to say most of the time, but this time, I know there wouldn't be enough words in the dictionary to completely get everything off my chest.

This hope I feel from the knowing that I am not alone, that someone is there going through the same thing as me and understanding me, makes me feel at peace.

I finally have peace at mind.

I am so grateful to God and one of the messengers he sent down for me to meet. Thank you Nikki Molina, for your warmth.

It's been a while.

I can't believe a few months have passed by already. I've forgotten about blogspot, and just everything. my friends, sleep, and simple pleasures.

I have been ridiculously busy. I have never been so busy in my entire life. I have absolutely no time any day of the week. In fact, I'm even busier on the weekends now. My life is going 1000X faster and my energy is running out just as fast.

My sleeping schedule is wack. I woke up just now at 4:30 AM not feeling tired because of last night. I have been falling asleep in 3rd period History, one of my favorite classes.

I feel like maybe I plan to accomplish too much in junior year, I won't be able to accomplish anything at all if I only try to fulfill my desires and wishful thinking, rather than taking on the things I can do. But if I think about it, everything I'm doing now I cannot sacrifice or leave out. I have to keep going.

the only solution is to organize my time even more and become more self-disciplined. i'm willing to do that. It's just going to be hard and times are going to be lonely, but once I get over this, by now time senior year will come and things will be a bit lighter.

I wish I could re-connect with those I lost touch with and apologize to them for not taking the time of day to call/text them back, or spare a few minutes. I wish the same people could talk to me freely without any hesitance or thoughts that I would be unwilling to listen to them because I am busy. I'm beginning to understand that although my productivity benefits me, it seems to create a distance with my peers and friends. If only I knew that earlier. But then, I probably wouldn't be as focused and strict on myself as I am now. Pros and cons. Is it independence or selfishness? I really don't know. All I know is that I want to myself and others to be happy, but then again, you can't please everyone. You just got to do your best.

I miss everyone dearly. I wish we didn't have to go separate ways, but then that's life.

Remember

2008 - 2009 was good to me.

and yet another year has gone by.

time travels way too fast. i didn't get the chance to talk, befriend, and even apologize to many people this year. So many things happened. this year it seems like we're going our separate ways. and it's already so hard and painful to think about how empty, lonely it's going to be. I don't know how emotional I be on graduation day, if I'm already like this as a sophomore.

I just want to be thankful for everyday - for the people that make me smile and stick by my side, without saying so with words.

only 8 more days. This is way too fast. this is unfair. I'm really really sad. I can't believe this is happening. It still feels like february. Please, let it be april or even may. Just not June. Not yet. There's still so much to say, do, and express to my peers. I need time.

Please remember me, just as I would do for you next year. Please don't be hesitant to ever talk, call, or even say hi after we part in junior year. Everyone holds a special place in my heart. Especially the tech academy kids. And I say this with the purest honesty from the bottom of my heart.

Where words fail, music speaks.

"Your worst enemy is yourself. You will not succeed in the stock market if you failed to control yourself. How many times have you told yourself to go to the gym the next morning at 7, but changes your mind at 6.45. How many times have you tried to control your diet, but eat like a glutton when you are at the dinning table? How many times have you tried to stop drinking alcohol and stop smoking but failed. Discipline, do you have it?
You may surround yourself with the best books, learned all about the stock market technique or strategies, subscribe to the most expensive newsletters; buy a 5000-dollar winning system, and yet find yourself none the better for them; simply because you have failed to discipline your mind and thus your action.
Discipline, patience and wisdom are traits you must instill in yourself before you can succeed. Of course you must have knowledge as well."

People try too hard to impress others. All their hard work, effort, and sacrifice is sometimes for the praise and recognition from their peers. To prove others wrong, or to simply put them down and discourage them. I think differently.

When I see my friends, classmates, acquaintences, and even adults, I can clearly see the hard workers, kind-hearted, the hypocrites, the exaggeraters, and the liars. I can separate the difference between a humble person who gives their utmost best for self-improvement compared to one who works hard, cheating their way through just for the compliments, feelings of victory, and attention. I can somewhat predict the future for those who earn, and those who fake their way through.

Many people don't realize that the direction for success is simple. The process may be long, stressful, and unbearable, but good things are earned through hard work, and nothing more. There is only way to succeed. It is to give it your all - with no excuses, lies, and cheating. One must be extremely cruel, strict, and unforgiving to their self. One must be sensative to their mistakes and downfalls, yet they must learn to accept, move on, and regain their determination.

And all these things require something that every human being struggles with. Self-discipline.

Discipline is when you put your phone away from texting to study for your test. Discipline is when you choose practice over friends. Discipline is when you do the right thing in silence, and not infront of a crowd. Discipline is the hunger for earning and not cheating on the simplest things. Discipline is when one has control over their actions, because they want do their best in giving the best. Discipline does not include hypocritical, exaggerating, and twisted words. Discipline is nothing but pure honesty to oneself and their promises. Discipline is keeping one's mouth shut when they have the slightest doubt. Discipline is talking as much as the capacity of your knowledge, and nothing more. Discipline is knowing when to accept mistakes, and gaining knowledge and the will to work harder from the experience. Discipline is knowing when you have the right to complain, and take a break. Discipline is the responsibility of keeping to one's own word, regardless of how tempting it is to break it. Discipline is doing the things you hate and pushing forward, because you know it'll all amount to something in the end. Discipline is the stubborness and undying perseverence to get through hell. Discipline is knowing one is only as good as their weakest link. Discipline is nothing but cruelty, strictness, pain, and endless work that brings success and the cultivation of nothing but the amount of success they truly earn.

How often do you talk on the phone? How many hours of TV do you watch? Do you go on facebook? Do you go on myspace for hours everyday? Do you sleep right when you get home? Do you hang out with friends when you know you have that project left to finish? Do you chat with friends online while doing your homework? Do you put your social groups and friends first rather than education and priorities? Do you get angry and frustrated before trying to comprehend something you wouldn't be able to understand? Do you slam your textbooks, put your head down on the desk and contemplate why you can't do this or that, why you can't do anything right? Do you have constant self evaluations, and realize that you never follow any of your plans?

There is no other solution but consistent discipline. Discipline will never fail you. Never. People think they have the strongest discipline on themselves. Sometimes they think they work hard, give their all, when really half the time they're doubting, complaining, wasting time, and being negative. We're never perfect in what we do. But we can always try. Everything that happens in the future is because of our actions, decisions, habits, and the amount of effort we put forth in the past.

The first step towards any goal is discipline - the promise to keep a promise to oneself. Keeping promises aren't easy. But that's the only way you'll ever reach goals.

not everyone is cruel and strict on their themselves. This procastination, easy-going, and slacking method is not going to amount to anything in the future. Years from now, the habits and exaggerations people carry now will make an immense difference from the person who filled every minute with their best. Time is such a precious thing. Not everyone will know how to use it constructively.

And that is why not everyone is able to succeed.