Sometimes,

you just go to move on.

there comes a point in life where you realize the way you approach and deal with things are immature, selfish, and self-centered.

there comes a point in life where you realize you can't base your actions because of your emotions, and the temptations that follow along with those feelings. Everyone has to have patience, endurance, and self-control.

and there comes a point in life where you realize you weren't as great as you thought you were. There were certain things you wish you could've done better, or at least improve on. we should never feed our minds with how great we are, even if we are proud. Because the truth is, you aren't the best in the world. you aren't the smartest. you aren't the fastest. you aren't the greatest. there's people that work harder than you and that have experienced life a lot more than you have to build them up with perseverance to endure anything.

we're all immature. whether it be a high school teenager, or even a 40 year old adult, we're not perfect. and the way we deal with situations, especially the ones that effect us negatively, are approached in really immature, and careless ways.

and the hard thing is, getting past that behavior to change in better ways, and be more positive. The hardest thing is keeping your word about it all, and being consisent. The easy thing is probably realizing what you need to change.

Human nature.... it's all too interesting yet complicated in ways you could never categorize no matter how deep you search.

i'm in that mood for late night blogging.

i've been blogging a lot.... lately.



deep breathes.

i had a lot of those today.

today was a long day.

sometimes, i just want to lay on my bed, and wish time would turn back to the days where i was a kid.

how did I get here so fast? how could time be so cruel, without even a simple warning?

can't help but waste the seconds of my passing life, thinking about my past, and reminiscing.

can you tell me? what if my life ends, in what seems like a couple seconds?

time only seems to pass by faster, when we're finally able to understand and appreciate what we have.

why now?

i can't help but complain. I don't want to, but sometimes.... when things seem dark, you can't help but have this yearning to turn around and just give up, because it makes you feel safer.

but now, it's not an option to back out, or even stop. life's a race. we keep on going, and continue.

all I have is my music to help get rid of all the waste inside of my mind. the waste - all the troubles, stress, and worries.

I'm trapped, in doubt, and in great need of nothing but deep sleep.

i don't wish to continue on to the next day, as i drag on this kind of negative attitude. i do not wish to spread something so unpleasant to others, as they think themselves, "what's her problem?"

I wish life was easy.

i do not like to complain and show my weaknesses in such a negative way. but today,

I just didn't care.

I wanted to do what i wanted to do. but, for some reason....

it's not making me feel any better.

I just wasted a bunch of time I could have used productively. I didn't follow my schedule. i was immature.

and now, i'm one step behind.

i'm sick of preparing for tomorrow, when you're living today.

I want to just stop.

because.... right now, i just don't feel like it.

Woot (fyi - rushed writing on here = bad grammar, and mistakes.)

sophomore year is great.

i'm not stressed with the project... well not yet. i'm keeping to my word about being positive, and looking on the brighter side of things. As long as I stay on top of the deadlines, I won't have to procastinate or rush days before the project is due. To those who always stress out and can't manage to find time... I'm sorry but those are just excuses.

I've been there, done that, and just possibly everything. I've experienced it all.

I'm not a person with free time. Every single day throughout the day, I have a lot to do, excluding homework. I know some people work slower than others, and I can definitely say that I'm a really, really slow worker.

But, after learning from my mistakes, and continuing to train my mind to focus and work faster, I've realized that it has helped me to save a tremendous amount of time. I've learned to be productive, because in high school.... every single second counts. You could do so much in just a couple minutes. It's true. It's just about the focus and attitude.

This year, I could have ended up like every other year - being stressed in really negative ways, barely having any sleep, and constant cramming.

BUT.... I used my summer wisely to prepare and plan out my future years. Although my peers relaxed during the summer and did fun things, I shut myself out from temptations and focused on what I should work on about myself... so the school year could be easier for me.

If I never took the time to realize what I should fix about my attitude, my work ethic, my habits, and commitment.... I would have gone downhill.

I'm sorry to say, but there is always someone that is doing more than you are. There's no use in saying you have no time at all, when you seriously take the time to think about how you spend every hour after school. What do you after school when you get home? Do you turn on the TV instantly? Do you go on the internet - myspace, facebook? Couldn't you get rid of the distractions? Couldn't you just stop being so lenient on yourself?

This is something I've learned. I have an extremely good example. Logan Ellis. One of my closest KM graduate friends. We've both learned so much from one another, and I've benefited so much from being able to spend time with him during rehearsals, practices, and in orchestra. You could not imagine all the things he has to do in life. I'll list some of his involvements - school plays, college plays [@ green river], Tacoma Youth Symphony, All-Northwest Orchestra, Rosamunde String Quartet, AA degree in college, jazz band [since 8th grade], viola lessons, violin lessons, vibe lessons, solo & ensemble competitions, tennis [not in senior year], and etc! These are just a few of his involvements, and you can definitely say he has a lot to put on his transcript. All of these involvements require a ton of time, and practice. Music is only determined through practice, practice, practice. It's just about the fight for time. Logan has time to do all these things because guess what? He doesn't have a facebook. Does he have a myspace? No. Does he use chatting services every day to talk to his friends online? No. He'd rather use his precious time in wiser way.

You see... Logan Ellis still manages to function properly every single morning and be positive about everything he does because his involvements are his passion. Because he does not waste time, and takes full responsibility.... he is able to put everything together. I wouldn't mind if someone as responsible as Logan were to complain about how busy, or tired he was. But no.... I have never gotten that from him during the whole year I was with him. Why? It's because he is a leader, that sets an example for everyone. So he has to be stronger, and on top of things than anyone else.

The way to do this is by taking the first step: realizing what you need to fix, and keeping your word to that promise. And this summer... I realized that's the first thing about being mature. That's something so essential you need to apply out in the real world.

Like Logan's involvements, mine are very similar such as piano/violin competitions, jazz band, chamber orchestra, Bellevue Youth Symphony, piano lessons, violin lessons, Rosamunde String Quartet, a new orchestra quartet, golf, and several other clubs. But, I'm far from being as accomplished and as organized as Logan.

People need to see that just because you're really involved does not mean you are qualified for being a well-rounded student. You have to do what you can commit to, what you are willing to dedicate time for, what you can do your best in, and most importantly, what you love. I feel like a complainer comparing myself to Logan's schedule, but I am aware that I do not have free time in my life. But regardless of what I have to do, I still manage to put myself together, and have more sleep than last year. I still manage to have a brighter, and positive attitude this year.

I started off strong, and just liked I promised, I'll be mature about keeping to my word.

There are many good examples of responsible people. The word responsible is exemplified in so many ways, but it gets to people's head that being responsible is getting good grades. That's not very much so.

It's about how you plan to get good grades, how you work, how you use your time, and your attitude. If you procastinate to get good grades and use excuses on how busy you were..... you aren't responsible. Although everyone procastinates, there comes a time where you realize you need to stop and move on from that stage. Procastination is deadly, and will only change your attitude in the ugliest ways. Don't turn to procastination.

Logan Ellis, Kailee Wright, Joseph Lee, and etc. are all really, really good examples of responsible people. Responsible people are the ones that succeed in life. And those people are the rare individuals that are able to make a difference in the world, because only a small group of individuals can bring change. these individuals don't just "call it good" and let cockiness get to their heads. They realize that they can do more, and they're willing to do their best, so they go far. They don't take a look at how far they are compared to their peers, and just stop where they are. They do the things they do to better themselves as individuals.

Although I'm far from being a kind of person with strong characteristics as those 3 people, I'm working towards it. I won't stop, and I won't "call it good" because of what people say. I do things because I want to, because I want to do more. And I will really avoid procastination. This applies to everyone. If you're struggling with what you have to manage in high school, think about what exactly you do and what gives you the right to complain when someone has it worse than you. That's where you start.

Once again... I CANNOT emphasize this more than enough: WASTING TIME = PROCASTINATION. WATCHING TV when you could be doing HW = PROCASTINATION. Hanging out with friends when you're supposed to be working on a project = PROCASTINATION. PROCASTINATION = FAILURE.

we're in high school. figure it out, and get your act together. You aren't always going to be lucky. You can pass by with procastination in school with homework, projects, and etc. but when it comes to sports or music.... your performance definitely reflects how much you practiced. You cannot hide from your mistakes.

don't regret it over and over again, and get depressed about life. take the time to think about how the most accomplished people are able to still have a normal life, and not complain with everything they have to do.

So this is what I wanted to talk about today. another long blog... jeez.

this was just for myself, and what I learned. It helps clear my mind. If you did read this.. hope you got something out of it and i hope it helped in some way?

So far so good.

school's going good.

staying on top of things.

concentrating, and doing things faster.

saving time, therefore more sleep time.

productivity. love it.

keeping to my word, and being mature about it.

2010 goals, here i come.

i'm ready, bring it on.

3rd saturday of school

it's HC night. and i'm not lonely.

I've kept myself productive and to me, that's the best feeling in the world. Feeling productive and knowing that the work you're doing is going to pay off.... is what I strive to get every single day. But it doesn't happen very easily.

today is one of those days where I need to keep to my word, and manage my time, so everything I've done in the past and throughout this year will pay off in the end.

if you just manage your time and follow your promise that you made to yourself, then things will seem much easier. even the busiest person the world can manage to be on top of things. an example could be single mothers that work to feed mouths, and take care of their children. they're busy people, and probably have a lot to deal with alone. but they can do it. anyone can. it's about realizing what you need to do, and then being mature about keeping that promise.

Here's to the 3rd week of high school. but man..... it seems like it's october.

first week of school

it feels like i've been at school for at least 2 weeks. school seemed so long this week.

we already got homework this week. but not biggie, it's very little compared to what we'll have probably.... in the next week or in the month. haha.

anyways, hope everyone started off great.

this week was filled with golf, violin and piano preparations, and my 16th birthday. a little busy, but fun. I wanted a good, happy start. man, i wish mrs. cate never told me to audition for all-state orchestra. i already have other competitions to practice for. oh well. just go with the flow.

back to school monday. and i still gotta do hw. haha.

Crazy.

been busy. man. but it's better than the last 2 months of summer.

teacher strike is not all about money. talk to the teachers and discuss with them. go read articles, research, and use all the sources provided on the internet, TV, and your community. at first i thought it was for the money, but it's not. Reality is, they want the best for the kids, more time/attention for us, less meetings that will cut teaching time and after/before school preparations, and etc. just so much more.

of course... there's going to be some teachers that secretly are striking because they want better pay. those individuals aren't considered teachers.

to be a true teacher, you not only want the best for your student's education, but you pass on everything you've known in life. You pass on your life stories, morals, opinions, and knowledge. It takes a lot of courage and emotional strength to be a teacher. It takes passion. Not just a brain, or scholarly achievements.

I do not wish for the strike to continue, yet some part of me would say that I would continue striking if I were a teacher, because the main problem that is to be resolved as of this moment, are the class sizes. To how I see it, that is a huge issue. I've seen the difference and effectiveness between teachers instructing in a smaller classes as opposed to larger classes. This is insane. I read in several articles that some high school classes in the KSD have over 45 students. Already 25-30 students is a lot for teachers to handle, when they have so many meetings, and substitutes to take over their classes. They lack attention, time, and lessons for their students. We're just lucky we're apart of the tech. academy, because we have a smaller learning community. But still, even in tech. academy, the number of students in some classes are far too large to be called a "smaller learning" community. the KSD really needs to learn how to balance things out, and the board of directors should make things more organized.

If kids or a large group of parents have thoughts, and propose something and get it approved from a group of teachers.... why shouldn't the district board have some kind interest towards the kind of students that really want the best for the whole district, instead of just their personal education? Whatever. that there was just nonsense. that wouldn't really make a difference to the district anyways, and it's too weak.

Well, that's that. I've had so much on my mind as well for the strike. This is as far as I know, and i'm just elaborating/venting. What I know may be out of date/incorrect due to my lack of checking up on the KSD updates/notifications lately.

I've talked to a few of the KM staff members and for what I know, the earliest we'll ever go back to school is this coming up monday. This will happen if the teachers decide to stop voting, so they will use the remainder days to prepare for classes. Otherwise, if the strike continues... who knows when school will start. Just today in the afternoon I got a call from Mrs. Cate [orchestra teacher] about the Washington All-State Orchestra audition information, and how I had to meet with her sometime in the end of september or the first few days of Octoboer to record my pieces, etudes, and etc. if school wouldn't start by then. I mean honestly when I heard those words from her, I got really worried. She briefly informed me about the strike as well, and so did another one of my KM instructors. What's weird is that sometimes, I feel like the teachers all know something and they are a few things they just can't tell their students, because it's just private matters between the district. :// I don't know, just my thoughts. Now I'm getting the idea that school really isn't going to start for a while. I've heard a lot of news from people that there would be a possibility about school not even starting until october.

This is very concerning. If school doesn't start by september 21st, which is the 3rd monday of this month [next, next monday], I don't think I could allow myself to just sit and waste time wishing for school to start. I will seriously try to do something about this with my own efforts, talk to the teachers, or something. But for now, nothing is clear and I don't want to look like a fool demanding school to start when it would actually start the day after. That'd be a little stupid and foolish of me to do.

Anyways, not going to waste this precious time just sleeping in and being lazy every single day. I'll relax, yet get my mind ready for school. I need mental and emotional strength for a new school year. same to everyone else.

Good luck, and hopefully we'll go back to school soon. Let's all work together and be strong, even if things get tough. Although our breaks will get cut shorter, we should just be thankful for being able to go to school. In fact, for those who love breaks... just be grateful because many countries in Asia have students go to school Saturday, with barely any breaks. They just have breaks after huge, competitive exams, and their summer breaks are very short. There's always something to be thankful for.

I really wish the best for our district, and I hope there is a change in motivation for our teachers as they're relieved with a new contract and fresh start. I hope there is a change in test scores, and results as teachers have more time with a class that isn't too large. Hopefully, all these things will become possible, eventually.

I think a lot of the new houses being constructed have played a huge role in class sizes. I mean, when I was in elementary school, [ I attended sunrise elementary school] and around our school, we used to have a lot of empty space. But when I entered the 6th grade, they started constructing houses all over the place, completely filling every bit of empty land. Now, there are so many families, meaning more kids, that have applied to the kent school district. More kids in elementary schools that go on middle school, and high school. And to think, a lot of them have siblings as well. I think they should've thinked twice over building so many houses. And even if they did, the district had every right to have a limit of kids they should allow to attend school in the district. I mean, my friend went to elementary school in Mercer Island, and their district didn't allow any more students to attend their school because they wanted a limit to their class sizes.

I don't know if the kent school district made a mistake, or whatever. Whatever their reasoning was, it's just caused a lot of problems lately.

Well..... this blog has gotten way too long. I'm starting to get on tangents, and I bet I have a bunch of spelling/grammatical errors here since I have not looked over what I wrote, and I've been typing very fast... due to all the thoughts that are spilling out right now. Please understand, even if all the errors will annoy some of you out there.

I wish the best of luck for everyone. I really hope they figure out an agreement or compromise in some kind of way, yet not take too much time... because it's also cutting out on the student's education.