3rd saturday of school

it's HC night. and i'm not lonely.

I've kept myself productive and to me, that's the best feeling in the world. Feeling productive and knowing that the work you're doing is going to pay off.... is what I strive to get every single day. But it doesn't happen very easily.

today is one of those days where I need to keep to my word, and manage my time, so everything I've done in the past and throughout this year will pay off in the end.

if you just manage your time and follow your promise that you made to yourself, then things will seem much easier. even the busiest person the world can manage to be on top of things. an example could be single mothers that work to feed mouths, and take care of their children. they're busy people, and probably have a lot to deal with alone. but they can do it. anyone can. it's about realizing what you need to do, and then being mature about keeping that promise.

Here's to the 3rd week of high school. but man..... it seems like it's october.

first week of school

it feels like i've been at school for at least 2 weeks. school seemed so long this week.

we already got homework this week. but not biggie, it's very little compared to what we'll have probably.... in the next week or in the month. haha.

anyways, hope everyone started off great.

this week was filled with golf, violin and piano preparations, and my 16th birthday. a little busy, but fun. I wanted a good, happy start. man, i wish mrs. cate never told me to audition for all-state orchestra. i already have other competitions to practice for. oh well. just go with the flow.

back to school monday. and i still gotta do hw. haha.

Crazy.

been busy. man. but it's better than the last 2 months of summer.

teacher strike is not all about money. talk to the teachers and discuss with them. go read articles, research, and use all the sources provided on the internet, TV, and your community. at first i thought it was for the money, but it's not. Reality is, they want the best for the kids, more time/attention for us, less meetings that will cut teaching time and after/before school preparations, and etc. just so much more.

of course... there's going to be some teachers that secretly are striking because they want better pay. those individuals aren't considered teachers.

to be a true teacher, you not only want the best for your student's education, but you pass on everything you've known in life. You pass on your life stories, morals, opinions, and knowledge. It takes a lot of courage and emotional strength to be a teacher. It takes passion. Not just a brain, or scholarly achievements.

I do not wish for the strike to continue, yet some part of me would say that I would continue striking if I were a teacher, because the main problem that is to be resolved as of this moment, are the class sizes. To how I see it, that is a huge issue. I've seen the difference and effectiveness between teachers instructing in a smaller classes as opposed to larger classes. This is insane. I read in several articles that some high school classes in the KSD have over 45 students. Already 25-30 students is a lot for teachers to handle, when they have so many meetings, and substitutes to take over their classes. They lack attention, time, and lessons for their students. We're just lucky we're apart of the tech. academy, because we have a smaller learning community. But still, even in tech. academy, the number of students in some classes are far too large to be called a "smaller learning" community. the KSD really needs to learn how to balance things out, and the board of directors should make things more organized.

If kids or a large group of parents have thoughts, and propose something and get it approved from a group of teachers.... why shouldn't the district board have some kind interest towards the kind of students that really want the best for the whole district, instead of just their personal education? Whatever. that there was just nonsense. that wouldn't really make a difference to the district anyways, and it's too weak.

Well, that's that. I've had so much on my mind as well for the strike. This is as far as I know, and i'm just elaborating/venting. What I know may be out of date/incorrect due to my lack of checking up on the KSD updates/notifications lately.

I've talked to a few of the KM staff members and for what I know, the earliest we'll ever go back to school is this coming up monday. This will happen if the teachers decide to stop voting, so they will use the remainder days to prepare for classes. Otherwise, if the strike continues... who knows when school will start. Just today in the afternoon I got a call from Mrs. Cate [orchestra teacher] about the Washington All-State Orchestra audition information, and how I had to meet with her sometime in the end of september or the first few days of Octoboer to record my pieces, etudes, and etc. if school wouldn't start by then. I mean honestly when I heard those words from her, I got really worried. She briefly informed me about the strike as well, and so did another one of my KM instructors. What's weird is that sometimes, I feel like the teachers all know something and they are a few things they just can't tell their students, because it's just private matters between the district. :// I don't know, just my thoughts. Now I'm getting the idea that school really isn't going to start for a while. I've heard a lot of news from people that there would be a possibility about school not even starting until october.

This is very concerning. If school doesn't start by september 21st, which is the 3rd monday of this month [next, next monday], I don't think I could allow myself to just sit and waste time wishing for school to start. I will seriously try to do something about this with my own efforts, talk to the teachers, or something. But for now, nothing is clear and I don't want to look like a fool demanding school to start when it would actually start the day after. That'd be a little stupid and foolish of me to do.

Anyways, not going to waste this precious time just sleeping in and being lazy every single day. I'll relax, yet get my mind ready for school. I need mental and emotional strength for a new school year. same to everyone else.

Good luck, and hopefully we'll go back to school soon. Let's all work together and be strong, even if things get tough. Although our breaks will get cut shorter, we should just be thankful for being able to go to school. In fact, for those who love breaks... just be grateful because many countries in Asia have students go to school Saturday, with barely any breaks. They just have breaks after huge, competitive exams, and their summer breaks are very short. There's always something to be thankful for.

I really wish the best for our district, and I hope there is a change in motivation for our teachers as they're relieved with a new contract and fresh start. I hope there is a change in test scores, and results as teachers have more time with a class that isn't too large. Hopefully, all these things will become possible, eventually.

I think a lot of the new houses being constructed have played a huge role in class sizes. I mean, when I was in elementary school, [ I attended sunrise elementary school] and around our school, we used to have a lot of empty space. But when I entered the 6th grade, they started constructing houses all over the place, completely filling every bit of empty land. Now, there are so many families, meaning more kids, that have applied to the kent school district. More kids in elementary schools that go on middle school, and high school. And to think, a lot of them have siblings as well. I think they should've thinked twice over building so many houses. And even if they did, the district had every right to have a limit of kids they should allow to attend school in the district. I mean, my friend went to elementary school in Mercer Island, and their district didn't allow any more students to attend their school because they wanted a limit to their class sizes.

I don't know if the kent school district made a mistake, or whatever. Whatever their reasoning was, it's just caused a lot of problems lately.

Well..... this blog has gotten way too long. I'm starting to get on tangents, and I bet I have a bunch of spelling/grammatical errors here since I have not looked over what I wrote, and I've been typing very fast... due to all the thoughts that are spilling out right now. Please understand, even if all the errors will annoy some of you out there.

I wish the best of luck for everyone. I really hope they figure out an agreement or compromise in some kind of way, yet not take too much time... because it's also cutting out on the student's education.

2nd post - letting you guys know

So i'm letting you guys know.....

I haven't been able to go on myspace, facebook, or etc. on the computer for a long time. I rarely go on the computer anymore, and if I do... it's not for long at all. I've just been kinda busy this summer.

Sorry :( So if you guys ever contacted me on those sites, just know I'm not ignoring any of you. I haven't been on for a long time, that's why.

if there's something urgent you gotta tell me, just contact me on my cell # even though I don't use my cell phone very much, too LOL. But I can most definitely reply to you through the phone/text eventually, because I'll check it every once in a while.

Thanks, for understanding :)

Love,

Esther.

See you on... August 31st? right? haahah. we don't know yet, because of the teacher strike that started today. Man... honestly.. i don't know if the teacher strike is a good idea. I want to debate about it or something, especially if I'm in an angry mood, so I can vent LOL. jk =]

You're responsible for what happens to you. Only you.

Things happen for a reason. Everything does. Everything that has ever hurt, destroyed, or given you bliss…. all happens because of the decisions you’ve made. Because of the actions you formed based on your thoughts, because of the people you decided to befriend or be surrounded with. Because of the words you ever so lightly twisted. The only person you should ever blame and point fingers at…. is the one in the mirror. Yourself. That’s the very first person you start with, before you turn to others.

A few days ago at Church, I learned something… so amazing. It was like a huge hit in the head, that I really needed. I felt so refreshed and alive. I mean, I never expected to come across this kind of experience. A guest speaker that was also a pastor/missionary came as a speaker, all the way from Columbia. This man was amazing, and the moment you met eyes with him, you could sense the kindness right through him. He was one of the few people I could look in the eyes, and know how wise, warm he was. He has been blessed in countless ways because of his positive and appreciative outlook on life, and because of his faith in God.

I don’t want to go very far into details about every little thing, but I’ll go straight into the message of what I learned.

I’ve realized…. anyone can be thankful for what they have, regardless of their situation, financial and social status. But at the same time, many are blind to what they have infront of them, and become ignorant of all their blessings and gifts because they could have possibly given one a lot of resentment, unpleasant memories, and pain in their heart. BUT I’ve realized… it’s only up to YOU to take in those memories and accept the past. It’s up to YOU to want to remember what happened. You can’t blame anyone or anything for what you went through, or suffered It’s the past, move on.

If you become ignorant and just completely erase the past, the only wisdom and knowledge you have is based on the temporary things you’ve experienced. It’s only from the now, the present. You can’t claim to know or make judgements on anything or anyone if you can’t fully comprehend yourself. If you can’t accept what happened.

When you’re ignorant to whatever you’ve simply decided to slip by or erase, you put a blind fold over your eyes, sometimes without even knowing. You live your life, day by day, adding onto the ignorance and the hate.

You have to realize… things happen for a reason. You should be thankful for everything that has happened, even the most unbearable, unpleasant situations.. because it’s THOSE experiences that bring greater joy and wisdom over time.

Do not blind yourself at your own fault. Once you accept Jesus Christ into your life and realize the things you were blind to, you’re no longer the same you. Your eyes open up to a new world, and you want to do better. You want to change, you want to pass on to others the things you’ve learned, and everything that has hit your heart. You want to be the best you can, for the Lord.
There is always a time for everyone to experience their turning point. Who knows, it make take 10 years, 20 years, or you could unexpectedly encounter a miracle the next day. Who really knows. But God has a plan, he knows the time you will understand. You see, as Christians, we need to serve our everything to the Lord. we can’t erase what WE want, and take what we desire. We’re nothing compared to the Lord. We’re disciples in Christ.

If you protect your own wisdom and knowledge based on the little experiences you’ve encountered in your life, you lack in so many ways. God has things in store for us, things he wants us to learn from based on the challenges in our life. we have to accept all those things to take in everything God wants us to learn from. we simply cannot be ignorant. We cannot be shallow. We have to be acceptive. We cannot dwell on the past, because those are all blessings to us.

We need to allow ourselves to have God take authority over us, and be open minded and appreciative towards everything that will ever happen in our life. So if you have a blind fold on your eyes, or if you have not met Jesus Christ…

Please listen to me. Take a chance, and a little time to understand Jesus christ, and what he’s done to our lives. Without him, I would be nothing I would lack in so many ways. I would not be able to know what direction I should take, or what I should hold back. He is the ONE and ONLY that can be there for you, regardless of the place, and time. He’ll always be there for you. Please, put aside your ignorance and take this experience to loosen your mind…. and the see world with a new set of eyes.

Time just flies.

August 31st is fastly approaching, and the days are only tallying down one by one....

It makes me feel so sick and stressed to know that school is almost here. I don't want to sound like some emo child, but school has given me a lot of stress. I mean A LOT of stress. It's always been like that. Having to juggle extracurricular activities, practice, studying/homework altogether is a lot for me. Especially when you have to commute to different areas back and forth. One day seems like a minute, because I always have to do this and that. I wish time went by slower :(

Time management, and responsibility is a huge thing especially in high school. Although school did bring great memories, the stress is what really effected me. Lack of sleep and energy, a bunch of weight on my shoulders, and cramming. That's what my life was like everyday during the school year. I never had spare time for myself or for my friends. I would have to miss out on family dinners and get-togethers. I remember every time my friends asked me how I was doing or how my day was going, I would always reply back with, "I don't know. I'm just so tired. Worn out. Stressed." or something like that. I was so cranky, and I wasn't able to show the real me. I hate it how stress got ahold of me. I know I shouldn't be negative, but at times there was a lot to handle all at once, so I had to vent. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions. That's exactly the reason why I love VACATIONS so much. Although I continue with my extracurricular activities and individual studies, I can still relax. I can sleep as much as I want everyday, not having to feel utterly tired.

But having to know that I have to go back to my miserable lifestyle really saddens me. It gives me this depressing, queasy feeling.

I know i'm complaining too much. But I've done a lot of damage to my health by lacking so much sleep, while being at home only for a few hours to study and then sleep. My involvments were basically my home. I would get home late from this and that, and by then, I'd feel so worn out, still having to deal with homework and studying.

It feels good to be productive, but I don't want to constantly feel tired and worn out. It really sucks out all my energy. I try so hard to stay on top of things with a sharp mind, but when you're really tired.... your mind can't function at all. But I can't do anything about it, because I need to follow my priorities.

I wish it was easier to be optimistic. I should be excited for school, but then I don't want to lose my focus on school, by paying attention to the wrong things.

well, I have plans for sophomore year. I have goals. dreams. and things to do. I've already planned them and I've took advantage of this summer, preparing. In fact, I have future plans for the rest of my high school years as well. Regardless of how stressed I am, and what I have to go through, I'll work myself to do my best within everything. I really need to improve tremendously in every single year of high school, and throughout my whole life. I just hope I'll be able to have the same determination and endurance, even if I get worn out. I'm going to try to make this school year really memorable. I want to really "live my life" this school year, or at least be happier than I was compared to freshman year.

God. These are the times where I really wished a time machine was invented. Seriously. so many thoughts are just going through my mind.

I just hope this year as I turn one year older, I'll be able to mature more - as I appreciate my surroundings, learn how to endure, and look on the bright side. I hope that I'll be less tired, depending on how I manage my time strictly.

SIGGGHHH. I don't want to be a sophomore. I didn't know that I'd get here so fast. after 2 more years, i'll be off.... to the college world.

It's never too late.

It's never too late to do the right thing, or to get back on track.

Everyone's messed up at one point in their life. In fact, we've all made mistakes, which lead to the reason why we are imperfect. We've all done something bad that we would keep to ourselves, and never let anyone know. Everyone's done something stupid, embarassing, or shameful. If we didn't, we wouldn't be people. But that doesn't mean that we should turn to the excuse that we can do whatever we want, just because life goes on - just because we're humans that make mistakes. Once you start living that kind of life style, you'll never earn your way through anything. You'll miss out on a lot of good things you could experience in a lifetime, and you won't get anywhere in life because you'll always be in the same place doing the same things, not even knowing what it feels like to improve.

A lot of people just give in to doing the same mistakes over and over again, because doing the right thing is always difficult. Because getting their act back together or making the effort to improve is something that they will have to do alone, with no one to believe or support them. It's true. Doing the right thing, what's best, and what's good for you isn't always easy. There are plenty of things you want to do with your life, just so many things that could easily be accessed and give pleasure, so why would you want to do the the right thing out of all choices - especially when you don't want to? Why would you want to waste time on something that would stress you out, and only make things harder for you? and why would you even waste time thinking about all those things, when no one is going to believe in you? When no one is going to have faith in you, and only put you down as they yell at you, make rude remarks, and show little interest in what you do?

It's always people who have that kind of negative mind-set and make those kinds of choices, that regret their past in the future, doing one of the things they avoided the most: wasting time on things they wouldn't want to do. They waste their time dwelling on the past, just thinking, "I should've, I could've, I wish I did this," when it's already carved in stone.

What people don't realize is, that there's always a way out of everything. There always is, regardless of how dark things may appear. If there wasn't a way out of things, there would be no such thing as hope, hard work, or success. We wouldn't call it life.

There's always going to be someone that has done something worse than you. Something that they can never forget, no matter how careless they seem on the outside. To them, it's just something that remains like a scar in their heart, that they can never erase. Whether it's the person standing next to you, the stranger across the street, or your own sibling, we're never going to know how they truly feeling deep inside. Although they don't express their feelings or react in a certain way after they make a mistake or do something horrible lik we do, they're still people - people that have feelings, and know what's right. They're people that want to do better, and feel dissapointed, especially when they know others are pointing fingers at them.

Despite the fact that you're the worst person in the world that has commited a myriad of crimes, know that you can always turn around and make a change in your life. That's we live life. We live to change, to learn, to improve, and just to do so many things. There really isn't anything we can't do, if we work hard. No matter how distant you've been from your family, no matter how many years you've slacked off in school and have failed to do decent in at least one class, no matter how many times you've dissapointed and scarred your loved ones, and no matter how many times you've come back to the same situation feeling hopeless.... know that there is a way out of making the same mistakes you've wanted to avoid. It's not impossible to change and fix all those things you've dealt with. As long as you take the first step - realizing that you need to do better, then you can reach your goals.

Regardless of how serious the situation is for someone or how positive they are with what they're dealing with, regardless of how much they seem to be trying.... they're just the same as us. They've just gone over the line, and are lost with what they have to do. They're people that can do amazing things that probably you and I couldn't even do. They're still people with potential, that can shine with their talents through effort. It's just that they're stuck in the same place, all the time. Some of them have already given up on trying and have turned ignorant and stubborn, others are still working hard to break bad habits and to prove to everyone that they are something, and some are blind to the reasons why others look down on them, but that's why there has to be a really good person to willingly accept them for who they really are, instead of becoming another best friend who loves them when they're spending them with without even knowing all of their flaws and mistakes. We have to help others and be patient with how they learn, with their reactions when they encounter epiphanies, and with supporting them unconditionally. If we were in need, that's what we would want as well, so why can't we do the same towards others? It's definitely a hard thing to support someone when they're doing the wrong things, but if you show them that you care enough to teach them what's right and wrong and what they should do, they will come to appreciate you sooner or later.

If you prove to someone that you want to help them and that you want to be a part of their life, they're going to have hope. If you are willing to wait for them to realize what they were blind to, and guide them in the right direction, the least they could do for you is thank them for changing their life, and making them feel that who they were wasn't a mistake. It's people like them that still need at least one person to care for them, and let them know that they believe in them because everyone needs a hand when they're in trouble. On the outside, it may seem like one is having the time of their life and is totally oblivious to the decisions that affect their life, but on the inside.... they have thoughts and regrets they ponder about time to time. Everyone needs to realize that you never know how someone is really feeling, or what they're thinking about, because it's something that remains deep down inside. What's inside another's heart no one can reach or fully comprehend, because it's not them that are in that place. Everyone expresses their emotions - whether it be gratitude, appreciation, sympathy, anger, dissapointment, or sadness, in different ways.

The message of the blog is, you shouldn't give up on anyone, because they're just the same as you - no better or less. They would thank you just as you thanked the individual that helped you out when you were in need. It's never impossible for someone to turn around and straighten up. It just takes time and their own effort. Be patient and continue to discipline and love them, because love is the leading cure for anything.

Let people take their time. No one is rushing them.